Madonna found Jesus

And I found out that my mind opens and closes with the same degree of difficulty that an old rusty piano accordion might.

Do you ever get shocked about what comes out of your mouth and how narrow minded you seem? Even to yourself?

I said something about Madonna today which made me want to slap myself.

My mind's arteries are narrowing.

I have bypassed sounding like my mother and now sound dangerously like my grandmother. If you hear me sprouting yellow peril sentiments soon, such as you'll need to hide under your bed because China is going to attack us soon, you'll know that my mind is closed for good (you think I'm joking about her saying that don't you).

I just saw a picture of 50 year old Madonna with her 22 year old boyfriend Jesus (the whole name combo is a little too contrived for my liking but whatever...).

I looked at their picture and the first words out of my mouth were "She looks like his mother. It's just plain embarrassing. Someone has to tell her she looks ridiculous. She is way too old for him." I know, I should have been saying, 'way to go Madonna', but I just cannot bring myself to do so.

Five minutes earlier I was cooing over the wedding pictures of 29 year old millionaire Australian model Kristy Hinze who has just married 65 year old Netscape founder and billionaire Jim Moneybags (oh, I forget his name but surnames aren't necessary when you are that rich). Why is this any more acceptable to me. Hardly fair is it?

OK so they are just people I do not even know. I guess the real litmus test is this - how would you react if your son bought home a girlfriend 30 years older than him or your daughter bought home a boyfriend 35 years older than her? I would call the police ....I am joking....sort of. Let's just say it would take me a long time to get used to the idea even though I know its not my decision to make.

What do you think, is age really just a number? Does it really matter?


PS. I may need to have a more open mind about these things. I am guessing that it's more than likely that one day soon you will be oohing and ahhing over pictures of me with a 20 year old toy boy (I will be the one pushing him in his stroller. In another few years he will be the one pushing me in mine, haaaaaa-aaaardly).

Before I go, I have a story to tell you about a 'mistake' I made recently with an older man/younger woman. I ran into an old boss of mine. He was happily bouncing along (that should have given me a clue) hand in hand with 'what I thought' was a teenage school girl. He stopped to chat and I looked at the girl and asked her how school was going. I thought she was his daughter. He introduced me to his wife. I walked away with a rosy glow on my cheeks that no doubt equalled his. Oops!

Sometimes all is not what it seems

How wary are you on the Internet?

I saw this current affairs show last night where this elderly woman was conned out of a huge amount of money by Internet fraudsters. Even the police were amazed at how smooth these criminals were. Of course according to news reports, the same thing is happening in chat rooms, discussion forums and social networking sites every day. The Internet is a breeding ground for pathological people.

It got me thinking.

About the blogging community.

I tend to let my guard down when it comes to blogging believing it is fairly safe given we share so much of ourselves anyway. I've never had so much as a nasty comment or email (no, don't go giving me my first one) other than your obvious Nigerian scam emails which end up in junk mail anyway.

There's a lot of shared trust and I've seen many examples of that in recent times. However, once we post, our words and images are floating forever more around the universe somewhere and can be read by anyone on the internet.

Have you ever had your fingers burnt when it comes to blogging? Do you have any experiences or thoughts you want to share? Good or bad.

Just wondering....

Have a great weekend everyone! Oh and I'm really an Aussie sheepdog....

The Body Beautiful

I went to the National Library today to do some research.

And became easily distracted as I'm want to do. By something totally unrelated to the reason I went there in the first place. Ah well!

I happened to pick up a copy of the Australian Women's Weekly magazine published in 1933 and was mesmerised by the life of women 76 years ago. How glamourous it seemed. The magazine only cost 2 pence (for 44 pages) which is hard to imagine today. What value for money it was.

Some of the magazine's beauty tips are also hard to imagine using today. However, given it was published in the middle of the Depression, I thought I'd share some of them with you as they may come in handy in these uncertain economic times (or if you, like me, just like to live a little dangerously).

The Right Exercises for Health and Beauty

With beauty culture at its present high standard, the woman of today is inclined to give precedence to facial cosmetics - those items that appeal most to her sex. There is charm in colors and tints, but too many women impart a radiance to cheeks and lips, then powder, and admire the mirrored reflection, with no real thought of profile or figure.

Remember that physical perfection and facial beauty go hand in hand; there must be harmony in either case, whether natural or acquired (plastic surgery is ok then!). Without physical culture or exercise of some kind, no woman can expect to retain a pleasing symmetry of form. The body beautiful then becomes an attainable ideal.

Here is the picture accompanying this article (apologies for the quality). It's what people used to do before there were gyms. Go on, take the track suit off and go get your ballet costume on. Invite your friends over and play Thumbelina in your garden posing around the nearest tree (yes, pole dancing has been around forever clearly but I'm not sure if the one lying on the grass has expired or is elegantly resting). Remember, a pleasing symmetry of form is your goal.... (meaning a hot body ladies.....tempting isn't it? They did show images of actual exercises but hell we would be here all night....)




Sure way of removing superfluous hair

This preparation is wonderful in its action, destroying hairs completely in a few moments. Many women have merely a down on the face and arms and imagine they do not need hair remover. They hardly realise what a wonderful difference there would be in their appearance if this down, even light as it may be, were removed. Get at any good chemist a packet of pure powdered pheminol (this is probably now used to make nuclear bombs). Mix a little of it into a paste with water, and apply it to the hair growths. Wash off after two minutes and the hairs will have entirely disappeared (notice they don't mention if you still have a face or limbs?) It is ideal for removing hair from the underarms and is a necessity for the up to date woman (oh gosh and we all want so desperately to be up to date women).

Luscious Hair

There is no excuse for failing hair (truly their very words). No excuse for thin, sick hair or bald spots (listening men???). No beauty of features can make up for a distressing lack of hair growth and the formulae I will give you will put those troubles right. Mix a package of boranium in 1 pint of bay rum, shake the bottle well, allow it to stand for half an hour, add 1 pint of fresh cold water and then strain. Rub well into the scalp and in two weeks time look for new growth, you will not require a microscope to see it. (And if all fails, make a fresh batch, swig it down and drown your sorrows given your life is ruined because of your failing hair).

To renew complexions without cosmetics

If the excessive user of cosmetics only knew the impression her artificiality really makes upon others, she would quickly seek the means of gaining a natural complexion. Let her acquire the Mercolized wax habit discarding makeup entirely, and she will soon have the kind of complexion that women envy and men admire. It is so easy to get a jar of wax from the chemist, and use it nightly like cold cream, washing it off in the morning. Gradually the lifeless outer cuticle (yes, we are still talking about the face) will peel off in tiny flakes, and in a short time you will have a brand new complexion, clear, soft velvety and of girlish colour and texture. (Is this the same as car wax or chemical peels? And did the makeup houses use aggressive marketing to run this little baby out of town).

The all purpose beauty product - Lemons

Don't forget that lemon juice is splendid for removing discolouring marks from the nails. Combined with equal portions of glycerine and rosewater, it also might be used as a bleach for freckles and a tan (he he, they used to bleach their tans in those days). The juice of a lemon in hot water each morning is reputed to decrease weight (um, my grandmother and her mother before her swore by this).

Then there is this amazing advertisement (one of many) about a poor woman who has been cleaning and cooking all day and her husband announces that he has invited the boss home for dinner. She is beside herself because her hands are dry and rough and not 'up to entertaining'. Of course she orders some Solvol by phone and it does the trick. Even the guest wonders how she gets her hands so soft and lovely after all the cleaning she has done. Mmmmm.

Tomorrow I'm heading off to have a quiet word with the Chemist on the whereabouts of these banned chemicals magic potions. Maybe he might have some leftover stock 'out the back' (nudge, nudge, wink, wink).

When I find them, I'm going to set up shop here on Lilly's Life. You are on notice Estee Lauder et al. Lilly's Lovelies Online Beauty Store is on its way. Hell, you should see some of the gorgeous women in this magazine - they had something going on I'm telling you. It's got to be the mercolized wax, the boranium, bay rum and the pheminol. Lethal combination.

I'm going to get the beauty and fashion lowdown no matter how many magazines I have to flip through. I will be back at that library for as long as it takes.....no, don't thank me yet. Wait until you are hairless in the right places, have a pleasing symmetry of form, hands as lovely as a brides, a velvety soft complexion, with a glorious head of envied hair and admired by every man you meet. Then, and only then, can you thank me for my trouble....What do you mean women's liberation? Nah, it never got a mention.....to be continued.

PS. If you have any particular beauty problems, I am willing to find the 1930s solution for you. Actually, I am also keen to see what the 40s and 50s hold too.

Des Says too much sometimes

As some of you know, Des, my father, is one funny man.

He was my guest blogger a few times but he got sick and wasn't able to continue posting. He then told everyone who asked, that I had banned him from my blog because he was way funnier than me and I couldn't handle the competition.

Well he is right. He is funnier but I'm way more humble.

He still comes up with blog ideas and he and his 86 year old sister have long phone conversations about stories for 'my' blog. He has a list, he told me, should I run out of ideas. I'm too scared to look because the pair of them have long memories and they are bound to incriminate me in some horrific way or other. It is strange how long the blog tentacles extend sometimes, isn't it?

Humor is a wonderful quality to have and it's something you don't need to lose with age.

Des has shown me that people who can laugh at themselves, the situations they find themselves in and their misfortunes have a far easier passage through life. He has a unique perspective on life despite what gets thrown his way.

The nature of his health these days means that he has his good days and his bad days. A few weeks ago I took him to the National Museum. He was in his wheelchair. When we arrived a guy came up to us and asked Dad if he wanted something 'better' to drive.

An electric chair.

He jumped at the chance and flew around the museum like some teenage hoodlum who had just got the keys to his first car. I was literally chasing him around the building! He said he was doing me a favour as I needed the exercise.

Today was another good day so I decided to take him out for dinner. It was a spur of the moment decision so I didn't make a reservation and thought we would just take our chance.

When we arrived at the restaurant, the Maitre'd told us we would have a 30 minute wait for a table. My father, with a dead pan look on his face looked up at the Maitre'd and said, "Oh, that's a shame because I am 82 you know and I may not have 30 minutes". We were seated straight away.

I may take him everywhere with me now.

Laugh and the world truly does laugh with you. Or, in my father's case, the world is usually left speechless with gaping mouths before it realises that he was in fact joking.

He really is some guy. Do you think he might leave me his sense of humor in his will?

THREE is definitely ONE too many

I am busy reading 601 ways to simplify your life (think about that one for a moment because it got me wondering a few pages in), so I am reposting the following post I did a year ago when my blog was still private. What can I say, I was shy.

I think three is definitely one too many.
I'm not talking about a kinky threesome or one too many chocolate covered doughnuts. I'm talking about that must have little accessory designed to put us on the right path, help us from getting lost and lead us safely to our destination.

The TomTom.

You know, the satellite navigation system as opposed to the creepy scientologist.

It comes with extras I wasn't aware of until the weekend. The manufacturer of the TomTom system says that its novelty celebrity skin covers "add a little fun without compromising safety". Mmmm, where have I heard that line before?

Well, they got it wrong.

It's a little fun for one second then it compromises safety.

So, who in the hell thought it was a good idea to release celebrity voice skins for satellite navigation systems? Because thanks to you, two has now become three. It's now me, him and Ozzy Osbourne. For him, it's a laugh a minute. For me, it's just one more man in the car to have a one way conversation with. And an incredibly annoying one at that.

When they say it's much safer for people to have instructions in an audible form they didn't mean this surely? So, hearing "you've reached your f---ing destination" or "turn f---ing right at the next intersection", over and over is somehow meant to keep you calm? It increases my anxiety levels tenfold.

It's not only passengers who risk their lives listening to this 'entertainment'. It will also be the unsuspecting passers by who may accidentally get hit by flying TomToms flung out of car windows by fed up owners. With the growing popularity of the novelty voice download market, I can foresee a new type of accident hazard on the horizon. Flying TomToms. TomTom street warfare is on its way.

The market for these voice skins is split between parodies of famous celebrities such as Dirty Harry (Clint Eastwood), Mr T and Marilyn Monroe, and generic characterisations featuring the likes of the Voice of God, NASA Ground Control and the adult-oriented Sex-Toy Susan. So maybe his choice could have been worse...after all.

When it comes to celebrities, three is definitely a crowd. In my car anyway. Tacky, distracting and somewhat vulgar. Have a listen (click on whichever one you want to hear) and see why Ozzy drives me around the bend.



PS. However, after considering others' points of view, (spare me, it just about killed me to do it as well) I am now willing to compromise on the whole celebrity skin issue. If there are any third party developers out there, let me know if you are willing to do covers for George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp or Richard Gere. Then you'd be talking and I would be listening. In fact, I would then be willing to take a long extended road trip. Just me, my car and one of the boys. Oh no, I haven't changed my mind though, three is definitely still one too many.

What are we waiting for?

Many of us had one of those moments this week.

You know, the ones. When you are once again reminded of the fragility of life and its surprising twists and turns.

When something like that happens we often feel like we've had an epiphany, and we swear we'll keep that feeling, and learn from it and be forever changed. Until life gets in the way and that feeling slowly drifts away, and we go back to living in the past or the future and existing in the present.

I've had a few of those moments this week. When you pause and think about life. And death.

Yesterday, I saw someone I hadn't seen for a while. I told her she looked fabulous. She told me she had been diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer. And the prognosis was poor.

I didn’t know what to say. My words somehow didn't seem enough. Or appropriate. Instead she said more than I could ever have imagined. She said,

Yes, it's a shock and devastating. I'm just thankful for every minute I have with my family and my friends. I'm telling everyone I know to cherish their life. Make the best of it and live it to the fullest. Don't waste a minute on negativity or causing harm to anyone or anything. Tell those you love how you feel about them. All I know is that if your days suddenly become numbered you will weep bitter tears as your heart cries out for those wasted moments. Don't waste a minute. Please say a prayer for me as spiritual warfare is what I need more than anything right now.

Trials and hardships force us to see what's important in life, and often drive us to change when nothing else will. We see the importance of faith, of love, of caring, and of family and friends. Of looking after ourselves.

Why do we often wait? To live fully in the moment. In the here and now.

Erma Bombeck wrote a piece several years ago called If I Had My Life To Live Over. In it were gems like this: "I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage. I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace. I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because I just had my hair done. I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime."

What about you? Have you had a trial in your life that made you change the way you live? Are you waiting for something or do you live fully in the present enjoying every day as if it was your last?

My prayers go out to everyone who is suffering in any way at the moment. There are a lot of people in the blogosphere who are going through some tough times. Our prayers are precious and powerful. Even those of the tiniest faith are heard.

A few home truths

Updated 10/3/2009 - see correct answer at the bottom of this post.

I guess you wouldn't believe me if I told you that while I was baking scones today this vision of Jesus appeared in the flour.

No, I guess not. It's a little far fetched isn't it? Even though flour is a fun medium to play with.

Well then, let me try this.

Which one of the following five statements about me is not true?

1. In 2007 I appeared in a full page story in one of Britain's Sunday papers. The British press is something else.

2. I was doing a politician's makeup once for TV when he fell asleep in the makeup chair. I was in the middle of giving him a black eye (with makeup) as a practical joke when he woke up - thankfully he had a sense of humor.

3. I have been to Paul McCartney's home in St John's Wood, London. Very interesting. The chickens he had running around his yard disturbed me greatly.

4. I am so allergic to bees they could kill me with one sting.

5. When I was twenty I went off a cliff. I was returning from Afghanistan and I’d picked up a local bus in eastern Turkey. During the night, the driver fell asleep. The bus crossed the midline, ricocheted off a truck coming in the opposite direction, and when it finally came to a stop, nine people were dead. I have rarely travelled on a bus since.

How good are you at spotting lies? It's tough no matter how clever we think we are. Things aren't always what they seem are they? Oh the tangled web we weave when we practice to deceive.

Apparently the average person tells three lies in every ten minutes of conversation. It's an often quoted statistic and one I find alarming.

Depressed people are more honest than mentally healthy people but when they become healthy again they become less honest again. Imagine.

I know how damaging lies are. I was once was in a relationship with someone whose life was a lie from A to Z. I discovered it all a bit late in the day. Sad. And totally unnecessary.

It's a topic that fascinates me for obvious reasons. I have done a lot of research now on why people lie, why we ignore the warning signs and how we can determine when people are lying? The only difficulty is that people with certain borderline personalities will lie as naturally as they draw breath. Even experts will not detect their deceit. So fingers crossed you never run into the 4% of sociopaths who exist in the world.

I am enjoying the new show Lie to Me about Dr. Cal Lightman who can detect the truth by analyzing a person's face, body, voice and speech. When someone shrugs his shoulder, rotates his hand or raises his lower lip, Lightman knows he's lying. He is the world's leading deception expert, a scientist who studies facial expressions and involuntary body language to discover not only if you are lying but why. I think it should be compulsory viewing.

If only it were as simple as the “liar, liar, pants on fire” nursery rhyme to tell when a person is lying to you. Ahhh, yes, if only their lying pants would burst in to flames life would be so much easier. Unfortunately liars rarely spontaneously combust and so we must find other ways to identify when somebody is being untruthful. Barring a blazing miracle the only shot that those of us who do not have a lie detector handy have at recognizing a liar is good old fashioned instinct.

How good are you at detecting lies?

Check these online quizzes here. They are fun to do.

If you want to find out the tell tale signs to watch out for then read this. But remember, don't focus on the lie as much as the reasons for the lie.

“All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.” Galileo Galilei

UPDATE 10/3/09: OK, the reality. Four of the five things are true.

1. Yes, a full page spread about me was in the British press in February 2007 about my time living in the UK. Maybe I will blog about it sometime. 2. This is also true. I used to do makeup work on the side from my regular management job after I did my theatrical makeup course. I could never make up my mind to do one career or the other, so I did both and combined them. At one stage I used to make up people for television. This guy was a Minister in the Australian Government who has since retired. We used to play lots of practical jokes (yes, immature) and when he fell asleep in the chair, we gave him a fake black eye and intended to remove it just as quickly. He woke up and laughed and ......we kept our jobs. Politicians can be funny people. 3. This is not as grand as it sounds but this is also true. When working in London I spent time in Abbey Rd Studios after winning a competition ( I was selling Walls ice creams in Earls Court at the time so it was a big deal). I was with the head of the studio and the musical director and we called at Paul McCartney's home (or one of them) which was right near the studio. He had chickens running around his yard in the middle of this posh suburb. I think his first wife, Linda, was a wonderful down to earth person who grounded her family. 4. Yes I am allergic to bees and mangos and beans actually. 5. This is untrue. Although some of it is based on a true story which is what some liars will often do. Weave truth and lies together. In reality I was 33 and in a bus crash in Melbourne, Aust. I was in a shuttle bus coming from the airport. It was raining and we crashed into a tram stop. The driver and a passenger died and the rest of us ended up in hospital. I have been wary of bus travel since.

Many of you got this right because as Mark said, there was a lot of detail in that statement compared to the others. You are good! I am impressed. It's hard to read between the lines when you can't see the body language. Thanks for your comments everyone! Keep living authentically and learn the signs to protect yourself!

Twit, Tweep or Twat?

Once upon a time, people liked to listen to the sound of their own voice.

Nowadays, people like to publish their own words. Over and over.

Have you noticed?

Let's take Twitter for example.

I think Twitter is Twee.

This is because I am a failed Twitterer, Tweeple, Tweeper or Twitter user.

I'm now known as a Twat (I don't care what that word means where you come from, it means a failed twitterer in this new social networking dark age).

Simply because I cannot handle the banality of the real world.

I was being bombarded bihourly by status updates and tweets and clever texts from people who were friends of acquaintances of my friends' friends about...........about...........bugger all really. Nothing, nada.

Seriously people, Ronan Keating didn't actually mean it when he sang, you say it best when you say nothing at all. I don't find the news that you are eating peanut butter toast at 6am in the morning or that you just had sex, interesting at all. I know, my lack of interest is disappointing when I'm sure your life means something. To you and yours.

I took being a Twit seriously. I even went in seach of lives less twitordinary.

However, it seems celebrities can't even help themselves. Do we really need to know that Demi Moore thinks "Facebook is cool but Twitter is the sh*t! " or Britney - "is spending a rainy day watching movies with my boys! Or MC Hammer " caught the "Red-Eye" and now it's time for "Shut-Eye"!!! I had a little breakfast.... wait.. I might mess up my hair ! oh, Le coconut !!!!" Or Shaquille O'Neill - "Just leavn lebrons party, i have no voice, can u hear this , ................... C i told u , no voice, lol"

I am now so over Twitter that I can't even walk past the bird cage and look Cyril in the eyes without wanting to put my hands around his little neck and squeeze tight....... tweet, tweet, tweet

It used to be that only a privileged few got their writing published. However, now we have little keyboards in front of us no matter where we are and we can easily self publish. It's so prolific that I think we need to re-establish the ground rules for writing in the first person. Short of limiting it to ex Presidents, heroes, sports stars or Madams, we need to be mindful of the crap going out into the ether.

Otherwise it's faux writing my friends. We've erased the distinction between a note left on the kitchen counter, a few words shared face to face and a publishable work.

So, unless we have some really exciting answers to the question, what are you doing, then we should just refrain from letting our fingers do the talking. And type nothing at all.

Take a look at Jon Stewart's take on the Twitter phenomenon . So true.

Till next time.

Sorry, what did you just say? What am I doing?

"It's 1am, goin to bed in l'pard print pjs & new anti-aging cream, takin B'bry and Laptop, just in case u have somethin really interest'g to tell me about what ur doin, remember, non fiction is overated." Tweet, tweet......

We are not amused

My blog's had a makeover. It’s a minimalist look. I considered something flashy and over the top but it doesn’t seem quite right in these tough economic times.

No, I jest. It's simply because I'm a simple girl. I like white space, a hint of colour and a touch of glamour.

It seems Heidi, my dentist, has had a makeover too.

She took her makeover a little more seriously. She got a new nose, plumped up lips and much larger breasts.

She’s now morphed into Super Heidi with Lisa Rinna’s lips, Nicole Kidman’s nose, and by the look of things, numerous people’s breasts.

At 32, she‘s a plastic surgery junkie.

I help fund her lifestyle because she is an excellent dentist and provides great entertainment value. It’s like seeing a new dentist every time I visit. I never realised how much could happen to one body over a six month period.

I also don't mind sitting in the waiting room when she is running behind time because there's always a floor show of some description. Like today.

A couple rushed through the door and the male said to the Receptionist, “We have to see someone quickly. We need a tooth pulled in a hurry because we have to catch a plane in a few hours and are headed to Europe. We really don’t want to have to cancel our booking. Money isn’t a problem and we don’t need local anesthesia so that should make it easier”.

Heidi came out of her office and, overhearing the end of the conversation, said, “Well it’s going to be agony if you don’t have pain killers”.

“Oh, never mind the pain”, he said, “We just need to get it done before we get on a 22 hour fight later tonight.” “All I can say”, said Heidi, "is that you’re a very brave man. Do you want to come through and I’ll take a quick look at what the problem is.”

“Ok great”, the man enthused, turning to his wife, “you go through Tania and I’ll wait for you here.”

His wife followed Heidi into her office. We don't need a painkiller? Unbelievable.

The use of the royal ‘we’ reminds me of a colleague who was being taken to hospital as she was having a baby. In the midst of painful contractions she told her husband she was frightened. He squeezed her hand and asked with all seriousness. “Are you sure we want to go through with this?”

Like there was a choice. Two years later, she realised that she couldn’t go through with it after all. She divorced him.

That’s my day, how are we all then?

Some children do have 'em!

Shhh, I have to say this really quickly while my daughter is recuperating from a busy weekend. I know for a fact her eyes will not be able to focus long enough on the computer screen to read this so here goes.

Mothers stay your mothers the rest of their life. And their interfering ways may only get worse the older they and their children get.

My daughter and I have a great relationship although, as I've already told you, I’m worse than a Jewish mother. Even though my daughter lives on the opposite side of the country, we talk often. I have been known to cross the line into the realms of over the top mothering every now and then. I could kick myself in the shins when I find myself talking to her as if she was 5. It just slips out and then I hear her groan. It's mainly about inane stuff. The other day she said she was going on a long walk and before I could help it I said, "don't forget your hat, sunglasses and sun block as the sun is really bad for your skin and you will get wrinkles". Yes really! She reminds me how old she is, I put my finger in my ear, choose to ignore and then change the subject. I have no excuse as my mother was never like that. Even when I was 12.

I now know that I'm not alone. And it makes me smile in a wicked way.

I just read about a Mother who is way more embarrassing, way more opinionated and way more public in her views about her children than I could ever be.

And the woman in question is Dame Elizabeth Murdoch. Rupert Murdoch’s 100 year old mother.

It’s hard to imagine that the 77 year old media tycoon actually has a mother. He was described by Michael Wolff in his book, The Man who owns the News as "a manipulative bastard who believes in nothing except himself and his company, and eventually double-crosses almost everyone”.

Rupert may use his media to further his political and business objectives and to attack his enemies but it seems his mother uses the media to give her son ‘what for’. It made me laugh out loud!

The whole Murdoch family is in Australia to celebrate Dame Elizabeth's birthday. In an interview published in the press, she said she is still upset that Rupert left his second wife of 32 years for his current wife who is 38 years his junior. She said the only dark shadow on her birthday will be that she will have to keep Rupert and his former wife away from each other during the celebrations. She believes her son's actions are an affront to the morals and values she holds and had hoped to instill in her children. While it was unfortunate that he was unhappy in his marriage, she feels he should have kept the commitment he made to his former wife.

She also said that she detests materialism and doesn’t admire her son for having a vast fortune but only for being a good and loving person. She disapproves of anyone flaunting their wealth and refuses to get central heating in her home. Goodness knows what she thinks of Murdoch’s $44 million New York apartment then.

Apparently when Rupert bought the British trashy tabloid News of the World, she told him she didn't approve at all and that what they published was intruding into people's privacy. He apparently told her that lots of people have very empty lives and want something entertaining to read. She told him that she "would like to think otherwise, but he didn't change his mind."

Perhaps Rupert Murdoch can control the press, but there is no way in hell he can control his mother. I love it!! I would like to be a fly on the wall at his mother’s party because as far as she is concerned Rupert is still wearing shorts and long socks, ha ha. I wonder how many times she will send him to his room.

So tell me, what is or was your mother like? Or maybe what are you like as a mother? One of those hands off mothers like I have or one of those opinionated mothers full of good advice sort of, kind of, maybe, like me or could she even be like Dame Elizabeth Murdoch where she is happy to spill the family secrets to the world?

Note: Anyone who is pictured with me in the above photo taken in Thailand last year is not allowed to comment thank you. Besides, you should be making more constructive use of your time rather than wasting it on the Internet commenting on blogs.