I am busy reading 601 ways to simplify your life (think about that one for a moment because it got me wondering a few pages in), so I am reposting the following post I did a year ago when my blog was still private. What can I say, I was shy.
I think three is definitely one too many.
I'm not talking about a kinky threesome or one too many chocolate covered doughnuts. I'm talking about that must have little accessory designed to put us on the right path, help us from getting lost and lead us safely to our destination.
You know, the satellite navigation system as opposed to the creepy scientologist.
It comes with extras I wasn't aware of until the weekend. The manufacturer of the TomTom system says that its novelty celebrity skin covers "add a little fun without compromising safety". Mmmm, where have I heard that line before?
Well, they got it wrong.
It's a little fun for one second then it compromises safety.
So, who in the hell thought it was a good idea to release celebrity voice skins for satellite navigation systems? Because thanks to you, two has now become three. It's now me, him and Ozzy Osbourne. For him, it's a laugh a minute. For me, it's just one more man in the car to have a one way conversation with. And an incredibly annoying one at that.
When they say it's much safer for people to have instructions in an audible form they didn't mean this surely? So, hearing "you've reached your f---ing destination" or "turn f---ing right at the next intersection", over and over is somehow meant to keep you calm? It increases my anxiety levels tenfold.
It's not only passengers who risk their lives listening to this 'entertainment'. It will also be the unsuspecting passers by who may accidentally get hit by flying TomToms flung out of car windows by fed up owners. With the growing popularity of the novelty voice download market, I can foresee a new type of accident hazard on the horizon. Flying TomToms. TomTom street warfare is on its way.
The market for these voice skins is split between parodies of famous celebrities such as Dirty Harry (Clint Eastwood), Mr T and Marilyn Monroe, and generic characterisations featuring the likes of the Voice of God, NASA Ground Control and the adult-oriented Sex-Toy Susan. So maybe his choice could have been worse...after all.
When it comes to celebrities, three is definitely a crowd. In my car anyway. Tacky, distracting and somewhat vulgar. Have a listen (click on whichever one you want to hear) and see why Ozzy drives me around the bend.
PS. However, after considering others' points of view, (spare me, it just about killed me to do it as well) I am now willing to compromise on the whole celebrity skin issue. If there are any third party developers out there, let me know if you are willing to do covers for George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp or Richard Gere. Then you'd be talking and I would be listening. In fact, I would then be willing to take a long extended road trip. Just me, my car and one of the boys. Oh no, I haven't changed my mind though, three is definitely still one too many.