Tuesday, 3 March 2009

We are not amused

My blog's had a makeover. It’s a minimalist look. I considered something flashy and over the top but it doesn’t seem quite right in these tough economic times.

No, I jest. It's simply because I'm a simple girl. I like white space, a hint of colour and a touch of glamour.

It seems Heidi, my dentist, has had a makeover too.

She took her makeover a little more seriously. She got a new nose, plumped up lips and much larger breasts.

She’s now morphed into Super Heidi with Lisa Rinna’s lips, Nicole Kidman’s nose, and by the look of things, numerous people’s breasts.

At 32, she‘s a plastic surgery junkie.

I help fund her lifestyle because she is an excellent dentist and provides great entertainment value. It’s like seeing a new dentist every time I visit. I never realised how much could happen to one body over a six month period.

I also don't mind sitting in the waiting room when she is running behind time because there's always a floor show of some description. Like today.

A couple rushed through the door and the male said to the Receptionist, “We have to see someone quickly. We need a tooth pulled in a hurry because we have to catch a plane in a few hours and are headed to Europe. We really don’t want to have to cancel our booking. Money isn’t a problem and we don’t need local anesthesia so that should make it easier”.

Heidi came out of her office and, overhearing the end of the conversation, said, “Well it’s going to be agony if you don’t have pain killers”.

“Oh, never mind the pain”, he said, “We just need to get it done before we get on a 22 hour fight later tonight.” “All I can say”, said Heidi, "is that you’re a very brave man. Do you want to come through and I’ll take a quick look at what the problem is.”

Ok great”, the man enthused, turning to his wife, “you go through Tania and I’ll wait for you here.”

His wife followed Heidi into her office. We don't need a painkiller? Unbelievable.

The use of the royal ‘we’ reminds me of a colleague who was being taken to hospital as she was having a baby. In the midst of painful contractions she told her husband she was frightened. He squeezed her hand and asked with all seriousness. “Are you sure we want to go through with this?”

Like there was a choice. Two years later, she realised that she couldn’t go through with it after all. She divorced him.

That’s my day, how are we all then?


83 comments:

  1. Lilly
    We are VERY AMUSED!
    June also in Oz

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  2. I should think so!! Dimbulb of a guy!!!
    Some men are like.... REALLY!!!

    Like your minimilistic look!

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  3. We ?

    Thou needs to specify which of us you are addressing : the carved nose, or the tatttoed eyebrows, the lipsuctioned abdomen, or the abdosuctioned lips, not to speak of watery brains.....

    P.s> Lilly, just heard about the Sri lanka cricketers in Pakistan being attacked by terrorists. Terrible isnt it ? Very very difficult times ahead ....

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  4. Yes. I often get cranky with myself for using the royal pronoun. My poor Beloved.

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  5. The new look is very elegant.

    I also, in the last day or so, went from black to more flowery ...it feels more real for me.

    I loved and laughed at the "we" story !

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  6. I love your minimalist look Lilly, we Aussies are very clean lines and open spaces, aren't we? I hate my blogs cluttered look and want a new one. Send me your designer details....

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  7. Love your simplistic new look.

    "We " don't need anaesthetic?? How nice of him to wish agony on his wife. Considering it only takes 10 minutes to become numb, what an idiot.

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  8. Oh, my I would have made him go in first. No pain killer What....???

    I have to be knocked out just to be driven to the dentist.

    Like your new look Lilly, but honestly YOU don't or didn't need a make over, you are perfect!

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  9. I like your new look. How long does it take to put novocaine in anyhow! Seesh!

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  10. Thanks everyone. WE are all happy today it seems. Braja I have emailed you. Ugich it's terrible about the cricket team. I am listening to news reports now. Darsden, I think you would love this dentist - she is really good and you get to look into a face that is constantly changing. Bizarre but in a good way, lol!!

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  11. lol, at least she keeps you hoppin! I would love to find out what happenned to the lady and her tooth.

    these men--gosh what is it with them?

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  12. We love being royal like this :)

    Creating a new blog look is fun - and much cheaper than plastic surgery :)!

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  13. Sounds just like a man! I bet he would want a painkiller but since it was his wife it made no difference. Poor woman but then she must be a fool! Your dentist sounds like quite a character.

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  14. Wow. Just wow! Did you trip him on their way out of the office?

    Cassie had to get a tooth pulled and she screamed and screamed. Then she called out to her Dad, "Daddy, take me home now and I'll love you forever!!"

    It didn't work. Her tooth got yanked. lol

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  15. Love the new look!

    Oh I do hope she got some novocaine before her tooth was yanked. If not, then she's really stupid and she deserves to be with that pompous ass.

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  16. haha..smiling over here in Southern IL! :)

    And I LOVE your new look. Especially your header.

    *hugs*

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  17. What a guy. If "we" don't need a painkiller, then maybe he should have had a tooth pulled too, out of empathy. Maybe "we" would have needed a painkiller after all.

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  18. Lilly;

    I love your new look so much.I've been playing with a new look myself but am not there yet. I want a new template but haven't found one yet.
    My husband would never have taken me in to the dentist and said "PULL" and we're in a hurry. He's scared stiff of even the thought!
    Gosh I wish that I had your dentist. I love a good show.

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  19. Totally new look, its very clean and I love clean!! I also like that Ellen Degeneres seems to be endorsing it, along with Covergirl that is :)

    And do you wonder what the split is on the "we"? Like he is 60 percent of it and she is 40 percent. Or he is 80 and she is 20? "We" sure doesn't look 50/50 in these situations, unless He gets a chair the same time She does :)

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  20. We love the new blog. And we'd like to have a new face like Heidi's too.

    We just need to rob ourselves a bank. :)

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  21. The blog's awesome - it's like your wardrobe, you just have to change it up from time to time. I'm surprised the husband didn't ask for a sleeping pill for the 22-hour flight so he wouldn't have to "suffer" listening to his wife moaning and groaning in pain. How annoying would that be for the poor guy?

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  22. I still can't get past the tooth extraction without anesthesia... makes my spine crooked and my jaw hurt to think about it.

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  23. I love your new look! I want mine redone so bad, but don´t know if it´s possible from Paraguay. Anyway, about that couple at the dentist...what a jerk!, is all I can say!
    I hate it when men use "we" to us wives!! It´s so degrading!
    You ask how our day was going. Well it started out fine, then I realized I had left my cell phone at home. So I go home (it´s only about 5 min. from work) and look everywhere for it, call it with the other phone...and nothing! So I drive back to work and while I´m getting out, I see it laying on the front seat. In my car all along! :)) That´s me!
    Otherwise having a good day!

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  24. 'We' love the new look of your blog! Mine was minimalist with no colour but now it's full of colour and no minimalism...

    My day? Work. Out with the dog. Picked up the kids who whined all the way home...

    Loved that dental story!

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  25. Hi Lilly,
    Love the new look. Had a good laugh about the Dentist!
    Hope Des is well. Has he any more stories for us yet ?

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  26. Yes, I like your new look too, but then I liked your old look as well. Why do women feel the need to "makeover" things all the time - my house always felt like the Fourth Bridge to me - no sooner finished one makeover than it's time to start the next. I'm sure my ex was Borg (Startrek) since resistance was always futile and I was (of course) assimilated.

    I never have injections at the dentist EXCEPT for extractions! God! What a jerk!

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  27. Oh gosh, Lilly you are such an incredibly witty writer. you've got it down! I love coming here.

    This story is a gem. i can just picture his poor wife's stricken expression. i suspect the dentist took sympathy and drugged her up anyway so she could sleep zoned out on the plane, hopefully obstructing his passage out to the loos! Hee.

    I don't get why women feel such a need to have bigger breasts! Not ever guy like that ro cares on e way or another. You know small tangerines are "juicy" too! (can I say that here?!)

    Anyway to your comment:
    "It's simply because I'm a simple girl. I like white space, a hint of colour and a touch of glamour."
    --Couldn't agree more. All that makes for good design.

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  28. Good for her! Men can be total idiots when it comes thinking they can manage our pain! The only pain my ex could manage for me was to be a pain in the a** during our divorce LoL

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  29. Lilly girl! I love the new look!

    Are you coming to the states for BLogHer? Please come, I am so ready to meet you face to face!

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  30. Well, I am fine but have recently had some sensitivity in my teeth. I'm gonna opt for painkillers if it comes to that.

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  31. Funny post today, interesting dentist you have, although the painkiller part sounded like a joke, hard to believe it's a true story.

    Great new look, very light and cheerful.

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  32. Going to a dentist with no painkiller? I'd throttle the husband. That's another divorce ready to happen.

    Your dentist sounds like a lot of fun. I'd want to keep going just to see what's new.

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  33. And.... I love your minimalist look! I've been wanting to do a makeover too but can't seem to get moving on it. Laaaazy....

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  34. Your blog looks FANTASTIC. "We" ALWAYS take the painkillers!!! xo

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  35. "we" love the clean lines and the bold colours, but "we" are slightly queasy about both dentists (frequent visitor) and cosmetic surgeons (never, yet).

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  37. If I were his wife I would have rolled over his toes with my scooter and then asked "will we need painkillers now?" :)

    We are laughing hysterically now!

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  38. I'd better not say what I would have done! What is this "we" crap! Ah, Lilly, you've done it again, made my afternoon with lots of laughs,giggles and snorts! Good for the heart and the brain!

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  39. That's so sweet of him to make the offer of no painkillers. Only hope my husband becomes that considerate one day. ;)

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  40. Typical man. Being all brave when someone else has to take the pain. You've inspired me have to go before I lose the thought. Bye my dear.

    PS really pretty daughter eyes like her beautiful mum.

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  41. Typical man. Being all brave when someone else has to take the pain. You've inspired me have to go before I lose the thought. Bye my dear.

    PS really pretty daughter eyes like her beautiful mum.

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  42. Looking GREAT over here!

    In Hollydale, we pull teeyh with a vice grip from the hardware store. Cheap and quick :-)

    thx 4 the blogger info too

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  43. What an ass! I love the new look, it's very minimalist-chic :)

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  44. Back in college I read a romance novel that began this way:

    "We are pregnant."

    I'm still trying to figure that one out!

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  45. What a fun read...and wouldn't you love to get that man in a room with a drill and do some "dental work" on him without pain killers...what a creep.

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  46. My daughter's orthodonist has had a pool/hottub installed in her backyard courtesy of my kid's overbite!

    WE have never been invited over for a swim. :)

    Peace - Rene

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  47. Love the new look -- and it loads like quicksilver!

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  48. Very sleek, very sleek. That guy sounds an idiot and I bet his poor wife just does everything he says. Karma will get him because she is going to be in some pain for a while.

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  49. Our ankles are a bit swollen and we are tired...

    We'll be better tomorrow... won't we?

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  50. Lily, I like your new banner:) (and the description)

    can't believe that was a truly-to-life scene at your dentist's. hahahah... i have a very poor pain tolerance and i'm not a big fan of dentist appointments. i'm actually not into anything that involves body and needles.

    as for babies and delivery... that's another story =)

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  51. I really do enjoy coming over here...you never fail to amuse me...i laks be'n mused..

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  52. This made me think of the Little Shop of Horrors movie with Rick Moranis when the character played by Bill Murray is thrilled to see the dentist, played by Steve Martin. The dentist is a sadist but his tools don't scare Bill. It's funny as hell.

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  53. So cute, Lilly...lol...You're always so much fun.
    I love the new look of the page! It's super Chic :)

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  54. OMG, My wife would have knocked me through the wall if I tried that. "we" where does he get off?

    Your dentist sounds pretty interesting.

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  55. Hi Lilly,

    WE ARE amused actually. your dentist's chamelionic tendencies of changing clor amuses us. Your blog makeover specially for economic reasons has amused 'US', and your blog has amused us a lot. Thanks for treating us like royalty - 'we' are amused.

    Thanks for visiting my post 'Cell Phone for A Buffalo', and for commenting.

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  56. Love the look. We think that guy should be put out of his misery is what we think. Some people!

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  57. I LOVE your new look! Very chic.......

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  58. Thanks everyone for your comments! I shall be off to visit you all in the next day or so.

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  59. This look is very nice, love the dentist joke, hope you have a nice day, take care.

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  60. You do keep me entertained, ha!

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  61. It's always "we" when it's going to suck for the woman. "We" my ass! Men...

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  62. With a dentist like Heidi, with or without an anesthetic, I'm sure I would feel no pain.

    Lovely new blog look - your writing just gets sharper and sharper.

    love

    henry

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  63. Oh Henry that means a LOT coming from you. Thank you for that comment. And you are right about Heidi, she is fascinating. Her father is a doctor who has won millions from being on quiz shows.

    She usd to be a top class gymnast in her younger years and I would imagine that she developed a few body issues as a result of that sport. Anorexia is a real issue for many top class gymnasts. At the end of the day she is the best dentist I have been to so I could care less if she had three heads or not. I feel no pain.

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  64. ~WE~ all love your new look and the funny story, I'm sure.

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  65. I was relieved to hear that pregnant lady divorced the….aah….pri…aaah …person who was very immature. Any guy using the ” Royal WE” with ME will be eating my dust…possibly laced with arsenic. LOLOL!!! Okay Okay, I exaggerate. But he would be eating my dust, for sure.

    I feel bad for the other poor woman if she had a tooth out without any local and then had to fly 22 hours. Iiiiiiieeeeee. And to have it pulled by a dentist who is half android, well okay, maaaaybe ‘android’ is going a biiiiiit too far, but where WILLLLLLL she draw the line between “Data” of Star Trek and just saying my multiple boobs are fake, my nose is fake, my lips are fake, my face, tummy and butt is fake, and science says it’s all perfectly natural?!!. While her blond head bobbles around on her neck like it’s full of air and ready to float away like a yellow balloon?!! JUUUUSSST asking. Nothing more, simply raising possible concerns. LOLOL!!!!

    Now! As to YOUR new look, I find it VERY elegant and tasteful. I really like it. Youse all class girl!! All class, and 'WE' lubs ya. Robin

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  66. Robin, you make me laugh. No, Heidi is totally up front about her plastic surgery. She tells me all about it in detail (unfortunately)- the brow lift was pretty damn scary. Clearly she has issues as she was very cute to begin with but I think its like most things, people get addicted. Um I am just glad that blogging involves no needles or blood....otherwise I would be in trouble. Thanks for dropping by my friend!!

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  67. I like your new look...hope it was pain free!

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  68. WOW! The men in our life never want to be left out huh?!? The next time they want to use we, take the checkbook and say that 'WE' need a new wardrobe.
    They'll get the message soon enough! :)

    That dentist of yours sounds like a real addict when it comes to plastic surgery. I hope she survives the next surgery. It can be very dangerous after a while.
    Anywho, how was your day?

    Love the new look by the way!

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  69. Hi Lilly,

    'WE' hope you will be visiting my new post 'Festival Of Colours' too.
    Thanks.
    Incidentally the look of my post is a tad crowded, and I am hoping to do some thing about it. But until then pls bear..!

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  70. WE think hubby is a jerk (polite word) and dentist is cool.

    Good on you, and take care,
    Cheers from Sydney

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  71. Hi Lilly,
    This new look is very good. And so also the post.

    In lighter vein: My wife actually counted how many times I said 'I' on one day to prove that I am so self-centered! I am going to try 'we' now!!
    Vivek

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  72. Just wanted to drop a note to say that I LOVE the "new do" of your site. Clean and classy!

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  73. Oh, that was funny. It appears that your dentist is truly addicted to plastic surgery. I saw this New York woman who wanted to look like a a cat. Well, after numerous surgeries, she actually looks like a cat. You probably had seen it also. It's just bizarre to me. I could feel the pain that woman had felt because growing up in the Philippines, the dentists that my father had taken me never used local anesthesia. Even up to now, I cringed every time I go to the dentist.

    Well, we're doing fine here. Hee,hee. Thanks for asking.
    Tasha

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  74. The royal we. That's great. I always laugh to myself when I hear a guy say "We're pregnant!" Like he's going to carry a baby inside of him for 9 months and then have to push it out. Yeah that's great. :)

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  75. Thanks everyone for your comments. Hey yes, the royal we is alive and well it seems in many relationships. There is a time and place but not when it comes to pain killers, he he!

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  76. We are doing fine, that you much!

    I like the new decor. Nice! Also very practical because your blog downloads quickly. Some people have so much bling that my poor elderly computer is really put to the test. Yours is a friendly blog. We thank you. ;)

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  77. I'm so glad to be single :)

    And I love your minimalist look.

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  78. Oh yes Gran, you said it! There such as thing as compromise but control is a whole other story!

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  79. Lilly, you said a mouthful :)

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  80. My best friend from high school sends me photo's every Christmas. I think she gets a new boob job every year.

    I myself, just want a boob lift and a tummy tuck, and a face lift and etc.......

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  81. You aren't on my blog list anymore and I thought I lost you!!! Don't do that to me again, ok???

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Thanks for your comments.