Saturday, 4 April 2009

Run Spot Run or Debbie does Dallas

My teacher sister was telling me about her week teaching English to children whose families have moved to Australia either as refugees, migrants or immigrants.

She had previously told me about nine year old Ivan from Russia who doesn't understand a word of English and appears to be struggling with the learning program.

Yesterday she discovered that an international language does exist and that Ivan may know a little more than he is letting on.

While her back was turned helping another student, Ivan was showing a willingness to explore the language on his own.

She found him at the computer typing the word Porn into Google.

Of course he was out of luck.

Ivan clearly wasn't aware that schools here don't allow students to have access to Google's extensive education curriculum on certain subjects. I know, imagine the damn Aussie education system blocking children's rights to learn in this day and age.

When I learnt to read I was given something similar to Dick and Jane books (truth is, I do not remember that long ago),

"This is Dick”
"This is Jane"
"See Spot and Puff in a little play"
I guess Ivan was looking for the Advanced English course more suited to his visual, as opposed auditory, learning style.

When I think about it, there are a great number of similarities between porn and first readers, like Dick and Jane.

Simple, repetitive sentences, colourful illustrations, designed to encourage you to fill in the plot lines and presenting a world that is more ideal than true-to-life.

Somehow, I think Ivan will pick up English in no time, don't you?


Note: Image of boy from gfn.

111 comments:

  1. Lol! Yes I´m sure he will learn in no time!

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  2. hahaha! I would have to agree with you- there are so many times that I'm reading to Spencer when I say to myself "that wasn't supposed to dirty, right?"

    I hope you have a great weekend!

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  3. too funny Lilly and so true. I remember when I first started reading. I remember thinking out of all the names WHY did they pick Dick...? I still ask that same question why...why not Bob, Bill anything but Dick! Even at the tender age I was...I was very aware that meant 2 different things! makes me go huh!

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  4. Hey there my friend...hello and love to you...nice to be back online for a few minutes :) And Dick and Jane vs porn? Hilarious... i'm so happy to see you....thank you so much for all your loving comments and notes, they were all read to me...i haven't been able to answer much of anything but now i'm doing about 30 mins a day and warming up...wanted to come and hit you here first :) love to you, Braja xx

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  5. LOL! He's just trying to broaden his horizons.

    Why you hatin'?

    I am happy to report that it looks like the name "Richard" seems to be dying off. Yeah!

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  6. Bwaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh, how funny. I think Ivan probably has got lots of street smarts. Just shows you porn is a universal word and boys are the same all over the world. In my day they were at the newsagents checking out the magazines. Some images don't need words.

    Darsden is right why oh why did they pick Dick for a first reader. Mind you there would be lots of childs stories you could analyse come to think of it. No wonder kids are looking for something a bit more exciting. It reminds of the story I heard from my sister in law who is also a teacher. They were having parents come in to talk to the kids about their careers. One little boy offered for his father to come in. His career? He produced porn movies. It was an awkward moment. How do you tell a little kind his parent has a dubious career without making him feel bad.

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  7. if he knows to google porn, he'll get along fine...have a great weekend..

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  8. Oh, the wonderful world of Google! Even at that tender age.

    I actually said for the whole world to read and remember that 'Adam was smokin' hot!' Not bad for a granny I think.

    Good to know your dad has a working dvd/vcr set ~ I don't!

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  9. Hey helen there is nothing wrong with somkin' hot grandmothers talking about others being smokin' hot. He he. Isn't he the one meant to look like Elvis or something?

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  10. It would help if I could actually WRITE and SPELL English the way it was intended. I meant 'smokin' hot grandmothers.....'

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  11. Oh BRAJA, I missed your comment on here. WELCOME BACK TO THE BLOGOSPHERE!! Everyone please go to Braja's site and wish her the best after her recent horrific car crash.

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  12. Lilly isn't it wonderful to see Braja ... I am doing the Braja dance right now. So, excited that she is feeling well enough to visit. Happy Happy Joy Joy :-)

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  13. Dick & Jane vs. Porn? You know, that has never once occurred to me before....

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  14. Oh you know I have been all over the cartoons and children's programs but this is a whole topic that I had not explored! What are we really doing to our children!! LoL

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  15. "Come, Dick! Come, come!"

    Oh, God if I had a dime for every time I said that.

    "Come already! Come! You're cutting into my beauty sleep!"

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  16. Lilly;

    I think that little fellow will do just fine. I think strret smarts will see him through.
    I think it's time for new names....how bout Brittany and Barrack?

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  17. Yeah, they won't even let us on Facebook. Even ordinary sites are likely to be banned. :)

    I learned to read with that Dick and Jane book. Didn't they have a cat called Fluffy?

    I spent ages recently recounting your Madonna meets Jesus to people. My gosh it was a hoot! It provided a real talking point. :)

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  18. Kids be kids, no matter where they were born :)

    Dick and Jane really got around. The world, that is :)

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  19. Dick and Jane ... yes!
    Things moved on a bit for our kids didn't they? Mine loved The Cat in the Hat by Dr Seuss. Much more fun.
    STOP PRESS Lilly
    The FINAL re-written 6,000 word long episode of Pip's story 'Paternity' has just hit Journeys in Creative Writing.
    Hugs
    June also in Oz

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  20. Why shouldn't poor, little Ivan have access to porn? I'm pretty sure it has replaced music as the "universal language." (He may not know English, but he sure can sit down with the other Aussie boys and "communicate!")

    I have a coffee mug portraying Dick and Jane that my gay girlfriends love. It reads "Jane sees Dick, but Jane prefers Sally."

    Also, is there a reason it had to be Debbie does Dallas? Why couldn't it have Darlene, Delores or even Danielle?

    Love, Debbie ;-)

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  21. Wow, no matter what language, kids learn way too early, don't they?

    Ah, the good old Dick and Jane books. Can you believe John has a copy of one at his house?

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  22. Never thought of learning in this manner. Unique

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  23. Ivan will go far! Better get his autograph now...

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  24. @ Jeanne - oh you know you must have thought that before. With all your talk of your school days ......I have four siblings who are teachers and a mother who was a teacher, I get to hear about these things all the time.

    @ OOPS Debbie sorry to trash your reputation - you are right I should have chosen another name, that is a feaux pas! Love the coffee cup.

    @ Joanie - you know John's book is probably worth a lot of money now adays - didn't Dick and Jane get phased out in the 60s sometime? And I can believe it and I would like a copy myself.

    @ Leslie - hello stranger, of course I have forgotten you are from the US originally aren't you? Madonna and Jesus - oh its just because I am jealous....

    @ Vegas Lina Lou - he he, oh I think we can all identify with you there and now you read something into it that I did not. I make no excuses I never left the school ground and am still as immature clearly.

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  25. That is such a hoot! As a former teacher myself, I learned pretty quickly that it depended not only on the subject matter, but on how it was presented. Of course, back in the dark ages of my teaching, we didn't have computers although porn was still readily available in one form or another. I think LadyFi is right, Ivan will go far, get out your autograph book! Have a great weekend -- or what's left of it!

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  26. @ Betty - yep unfortunately kids know too much - makes you wonder who showed him or maybe porn is the same word in other languages. Have to check.

    @ Katie - I guess a lot of these children's stories were written so long ago too that they sound rather peculiar now.

    @ Sarah - yes I am sure he has street smarts considering the area he lived in in Russia. Must be culturally so hard to move to another country where you dont understand the language.

    @ yellowdog granny - yes soemthng tells me he must be following Dad or someone has told him anyway. Poor teachers, I am sure theri lives were less frought without computer in their lives. Dick and Jane were so simple when you think of it.

    @ Gran - well we have many things in common across the world, yes and pron is one of them. Even at 9, yikes!

    @ Tabitha - glad you dont have a boy?

    @ Lady Fi - yes I think perhaps life was a lot different for him in Russia.

    @ Quakster - I think Google is laughing all the way to the bank. Sad but true.

    @ Peggy - he he, Brittney and Barrack - you said it! Made me smile, thank you.

    @ The Mind of a Mom - yes we are dstroying their little minds reader by reader..

    @ Darsden - he he you said it. Dick was no doubt a popular name in teh 40s or whenever these books first came out. It's good that Braja is back hey?

    @ Eudai - mmm, perhaps he needs to elarn the English first before he goes looking for other horizons. I could not handle kids I dont think. I would have died on the spot. He is nine.

    @ June - you have put the finishing chapeter to your book - I will have to come by for a read. Yes Dr Seuss, remember it well. I have all my childhood books too. All the classics many of them never read, still to this day I am ashamed to say.

    @ Lady Fi - yes I think he will survive somehow. I am not sure how my sister will as its hard work by the sounds.

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  27. Sylvia, I know my sister spends hours with these kids (and their parents who also do not have the language skills). The cultural differences are sometimes huge and the readers (even though they have progressed a long way since Dick and Jane) reflect on our culture not theirs. Has to be tough. Ivan clearly has picked up a few choice moves though.

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  28. Ah, porn. The new universal language. Who needs Esperanto?

    My almost-seven-year-old nephew has just discovered the word 'dick' (it's his new favourite) and when he found out it could also be a person's name he laughed so hard he practically needed oxygen. It was hilarious.

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  29. OK, now I know you were thinking this Lilly (well you may not have)but thank heavens Ivan's preferred learning style is not tactile.......that could have proved problematic in class.

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  30. Hi Lilly, Ivan seems to have become a hero. Probably unaware that his little secret is out, and the teachers are now going to make him learn what he is supposed to, bcoz they know he can communicate atleast visually.
    Feel sad for this independent soul now...LOL

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  31. Ummmmm...
    I'm speechless!
    Somebody give the boy a comic book or something. He needs a break from the computer.

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  32. Can you get porn on the web? What an education the internet is...!

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  33. @ Mike - its amazing what kids teach us isnt it? Who would have thought it hey?

    @ Kay - not sure kids would even know what comics were either anymore!

    @ Femina - loving your story about your nephew. Yes it is something kids go through I guess, dick jokes.

    @ Introspection - yes not that Ivan would have been able to access porn at school but he gave it a good try anyway. Let's hope he is not doing the same at home though for his sake. He has plenty of time for that....bit sad I think...

    @ Banoffi - oh dear, yes it did cross my mind fleetingly. Poor little boy!

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  34. And to think that we Americans are so sure our children are doing the right thing in school while on the computer. Ha!

    That Ivan will get along just fine when he comes to learn the English language. He already knows some 'key' words!

    Have a great one Lilly!

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  35. People living in Russia, Germany, France, and other countries really have a hard time when it comes to English. So you're right, maybe Dick and Jane books would help, also other common and popular language in their age.

    I think your friend needs to tell Ivan's Mom to not let her son access porn sites! She can have a firewall installed or something.

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  36. Boys always look for the porn. It doesn't matter if there are language differences or cultural differences--the porn is the univeral language for boys.

    Do people in Australia try to "pretend" they don't know the language like they do in the states? I have a parent who tells me that she can't speak English and needs someone else to talk to her in Spanish. So I find someone. Then I see her in the store having a whole conversation in English and her English is awesome. Really?????

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  37. Ha ha ha that is a good story!! So not only does Ivan know the word porn, he obviously knows something about computers and how to "google" something, he is obviously more "genius" than he lets on :)

    And Dick and Jane must be universal, and Spot their dog. I recall the first book I ever read was called "A Duck is a Duck." Gosh, I wonder how Ivan would translate that? Oh my!

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  38. I think that is wonderful to help children, and I am sure from what you said Ivan will do okay. Have a nice weekend.

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  39. Oh too, too funny. But honestly. What WILL become of us?!?

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  40. Yikes! I don't suppose that porn means something else in Russia? Like "transformers"? So one of the commenters above got me off on this tangent:

    "See Dave. See Vulva. See their dog Spot." Can you imagine?!! LOL!

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  41. You know ... this reminds me of the way words can be used in many different contexts. The Dick and Jane analogy can be explained by how many people end up at my blog looking for Mary Tyler Moore's bra.

    In another window - I think any computer used by youth should be set up to block certain things. Seems like many parents / teachers have no idea what kids are searching (or uploading!)

    My Chihuahua "Mardy" is helping me write this comment ... as he is sitting on my lap. He thinks internet is stoooopid :-)

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  42. Pom ;-0 ~cackle~ choke~ Little I will be JUST FINE. See Jane touch Jack inappropriately. I don't remember that part of the book.
    ~Mary

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  43. I wonder if George Carlin ever commented on Dick and Jane. I know he covered many double meaning words such as, "prick your finger". I miss George.

    So every generation takes words and gives them a twist. They also add some new ones. Times are always changing.

    Good to know Ivan already knows body language.

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  44. @ BIBI - he he, yes the computers are blocked by I think if the search history was examined there would be some interesting finds.

    @ Half Crazy - thanks for your comment. Yes, I think the mother has been told. sometimes parents do not see the same issues as some fo us do though.

    @ Margaret - kids have been doing this forever it jut seems odd when you cant speak the language but yet you have a few words sussed out. He has obviousy had some tuition out fo school.

    @ For Myself - interestingly I was listening to my two older sisters talk about the future and children. They are both teachers. They worry because chidren are given everything and they never hear the word NO from their parents very often. When they hear it outside of the home they cannot cope. We are raising a lot of narcissists it seems. Shame.

    @ Me - yes I think its true - some may understand it and read it but cannot speak it as well. It is tough to go to another country to live when you speak the same language. I cannot imagine what it must be like to go to somewhere where the lanuage is entirely different.

    @ Vicky, yes Google is universal is it not. And I think maybe the term porn maybe too. I hate to think this was the only English word he knew he he.

    @ Christine - yes 9 is like being a teenager where this kid is from. He had a very hard life in Russia I believe.

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  45. Ivan seems to be a cagey little boy and trying to put one over on his teacher. He may know more than just porn! This was funny. I don't know how you think up some of the stuff you come up with???

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  46. @ Judy - I know its a bit of a worry how my mind works and the strange correlations I see in very dissimilar topics. I would not verbalise this stuff but I find it easy to write about it. I think I am normal, he he.

    @ Rebecca - thanks.

    @ Lisleman - I never knew about George but I just watched a video of him recently on Roseanne Barr's blog. He was clever and so witty.

    @ Frankand Mary - I think that version of Dick and Jane came in video form in a brown paper bag. I am glad you missed out on seeing it, he he.

    @ Hollydale - gosh you have a clever puppy which doesnt surprise me in the least of course. th ekids cant acces porn at school as they do have prtoection on the computers - the computer search histories must be interesting though.

    @ Adlibby - yes you know I have been wondering if porn is a universal term. I have to find this out. Maybe there is no translation of it in other languages. Does anyone know?

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  47. Thank God for the parental control option that most anti-virus packages now seem to have. I loved those Dick and Jane books though.

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  48. Ivan the true blue redblooded Russo male!! I think he'll do just FINE!!

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  49. Yeah, thank the gods the internet did not exist when I was in school... I would have been on redtube.com most of the time!

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  50. Omigosh, that is hilarious. Are we sure he wasn't Googling "Dick IN Jane"?

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  51. Hi Lilly,
    I once worked with a MR. Dick The kids had a field day there. There was also a Polish chap, Mr. Tureck- you can imagine what they called him !!

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  52. Hi Lilly,
    That was funny. I, too, thought that maybe porn means something different in Russian language, but when I googled "porn" of "pom" (pom, just in case he meant to spell pom and came up with porn, instead) but there are no such words in the Russian language.

    It appears that aside from school, somebody's teaching Ivan English geared for matured students, eh? Hehehe.

    As always, You're a funny gal, Lilly. Thanks for the laughs.

    Tasha

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  53. Lilly
    This is exactly how I get my husband into bed.

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  54. hahaha...funny, Lilly. =) hahaha

    **hugs**

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  55. OMG! Hilarious. Glad i wasn't eating at this mo when i read that. Yeah, I so remember Dick and Jane books. Here, in US, they have some other characters but same inane repetition...that, yes, does in fact work! But, I must confess yo;ve given me a whole new outlook of reading now--and err...no, I don' mean "reading" porn! Although, come to think of it, is porn ever really read or more likely "googled?" (Punn intended.)

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  56. John and Betty books for me - maybe they were the English version in my Aussie school or maybe I am older than you. But you're right I did wonder whether John and Betty went down behind the shelter sheds and what they might have gotten up to :)

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  57. Too funny! My sister is a teacher too and I keep telling her she should write a book about all the hilarious stories she has from working with kids.

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  58. Man! Guys are guys and are always gonna be guys, whether they're 10 or 65 or Australian, American or Russian.

    Starting this young, by the time he's ready for the real thing, he's going to get awfully disillusioned! (serve him right. ha!)

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  59. The one about porn was very interesting. An early start in learning for children.

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  60. Oh goodness Ivan. What is going to become of you? It might be the start of an early addiction. I agree with Anya the poor kid has some troubled times ahead of him. You are so funny Lilly - Dick and Jane indeed.

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  61. Well, if Ivan knows the meaning of the likes of Porn, he probably knows the meaning of a few others. I'd hate to see what happens when he is asked to 'come here.'

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  62. Oh my gosh these comments are priceless and all I can say is I am glad no kids read my blog. Particularly Ivan. It always amazes me what clever wordsmiths and fantatic senses wits there are in the blogosphere. Thanks for making me laugh truly!!

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  63. Ah, the universal language. I learned to read with Dick and Jane..I don't remember any porn, but I was (and am) pretty naive :)

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  64. Yes, I think Ivan has a bright future in store for him!

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  65. That's funny and sad at the same time.

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  66. You know if you read Dick and Jane and say "in bed" after each sentence... };)

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  67. @ Rene - Bwahhhh, too funny.

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  68. Oh my goodness. I feel bad for this boy if he's already learning this stuff at age 9. Yikes.

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  69. Oh, that is priceless. I was reading today that by age 11, at least 75% of all children have seen porn on the Internet. Now I know the little b*ggers Google it! Who knew!

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  70. Oh my gosh Jo, those stats are kind of frightening to me.

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  71. Too funny! Yeah, Ivan will do okay!

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  72. Most learning seems to come from the three F's - feeding, fighting and human relationships.

    I remember a teacher-friend of mine, who got his class really interested in maths and arithmetic, by aligning it with horse-racing odds. He had noticed how some of his pupils who hated fractions and mental arithmetic, were whizz at calculating their (prospective) winnings. The game a darts is also good for subtraction.

    Perhaps this also explains why so many highly educated people are sex-maniacs.

    xhenry

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  73. Wow Henry - I like that - feeding, fighting and human relationships. Now which island can I disappear to where I get none of those, really!! Always love your comments!!!

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  74. Dick and Jane were a bit before my time, and access to the internet at school so much after. Gee, I was deprived!

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  75. @ Jen - how polite you are, its ok to say that you are not as old as me, he he. You are only really young come to think of it. What did you have to learn how to read then?

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  76. LOL ya gotta love little Ivan for giving it a go! Funny how some words get picked up quicker than others!

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  77. Nine and porn...wow, what a savvy little bugger. I'm sooooo glad I have girls.

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  78. oh my. the things kids try to get away with. I at least hope that Ivan was an older student, and not a young 1st grader or something. So sad if you really think about it. Luckily schools have the computers blocked.

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  79. Hey Lilly did you make it to that nice beach location you wrote about a post ago (hmm that's a new phrase - a post ago)?

    I'm expecting another great story from it.
    thanks

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  80. LOL, that's so funny, not to mention rather...cute! Ahhh, kids, what would we do without them?!

    Thanx for sharing, Lilly, what an enjoyable read (as is everything you write).

    Keep up the great work, laughs are always welcome.

    All the best!

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  81. Porn? Nine years old? Oh Lord, I'm not ready for this. But yeah, I think Ivan will do just fine.

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  82. LOL...I love Dick and Jane :) You are so funny Lilly!

    Have a Wonderful Easter Weekend!

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  83. I had a student searching for "poop" once. He was 14, a little sad at that age, I think!

    I'm trying to visit all of my Followers this week. Some people are getting an error message "stack overflow" when they visit my blog, and others. If this happens, you can just empty your Temp or Temp Internet folder. Or try using Firefox as your browser. It is a quirk of Blogger and Internet Explorer that sometimes happens. I'm hoping this works out and you'll continue to visit!

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  84. Hello there, I've given you an award, please visit my page to receive it.

    Sarah Lulu

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  85. I attended ESL classes up until year 4 and the first words we learnt were the *under the belt* type...surprise, surprise! Imagine my horror when the teacher verbally introduced the word "can't"!!

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  86. O M G ... That's how I learned how to read! I loved those little books! Takes me back to when I lived in Chicago and gollashes.

    Have a great Easter weekend, Lils.

    Juls~

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  87. YOU had Dick and Jane books too? I had them as a child (America). What an odd & boring reader to have in common.

    Have a great Easter! ;)

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  88. Hee hee hee... I used to read those 'Dick and Jane' books too... you bring to mind a blast from a distant past.

    Happy Easter, sweet!

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  89. hi Lily,

    i've been offline for weeks since you've last visited my blog. Thanks for visiting my blogs and I'm really happy that you enjoy the reads.

    yeah, i think kids and even older people who don't read- they respond better and learn more quickly through visuals as compared to actually reading and spelling words.

    it's a scary thing to know what Ivan chose to explore on the web. And wouldnt it be a very scary thing if kids were exposed to such dirty visuals at that age.

    it's a good thing that adult sites are blocked in schools but it can be a very serious thing to know what's really on the web and that kids can explore such things on their own if they really want to.

    getting too serious am I? your post really makes me think, Lily.

    Take care always =)

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  90. Oh, spring has sprung,
    The grass has riz.
    I wonder where
    My friend Lilly is....

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  91. Rhonda, that was wonderful!! I was wondering where Lovely Lilly was too...she must be on an extended Easter vacation :-) sweet poem

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  92. Lilly where are you? You have never gone this long without a post before. Hope all is ok.

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  94. Maybe over a 100 comments will bring her back. One comment even included a nice poem.

    Lilly you have a fan base most bloggers can only hope for.

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  95. come back lilly please come back with a cherry on top!

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  96. Wow, I sure do hope Lilly is okay, it certainly has been a while since she was last in and, for her, that is indeed rather unusual.

    Lilly, when you make it back in, please note that there is an award waiting for you over at The Cluttered Bubble of which you are more than welcome to pick up at anytime you would like.

    I hope everything is well with you and yours and that you will be back sooner than later. I must say, it sure does look like I'm not the only one missing you, what a great fan base you have.

    All the best!

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  97. Lilly? where are you??? I hope all is well and you are relaxing on a beach with no internet or something along those lines. If that's the case, though, seriously, laptops are not too expensive and there is no reason to skimp and not get a room with wifi.

    I hope all is well.

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  98. Hey Lilly, we are missing you. I am missing my daily laugh without your wonderful humorous posts.
    Hope you are having a great vacation with Jordan.
    Cheers....!!! 106 comments..!! oh boy, some following that is.

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  99. Lilly...thinking of you and hoping that you are OK. **hugs**

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  100. OK Lilly game is over....wherefore art thou?

    Here is a little poem based on "Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water; Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after".

    My Version:

    "Jack and Jill ascended the hill, to fetch some mineral water; Jack's titubation caused pericranial vitiation; Jill emulated him shortly after!

    See Lilly without your posts one tends to go a little wacky.

    Wherever you are hope you are having a blast.

    Big hugs
    Peggy

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  101. hmm could we start a Lilly watch - if she shows up on someone's blog they will report it.

    On second thought I guess she would check her own blog before showing up somewhere else.

    She didn't go anywhere near Somalia - did she?

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  102. I'll be in Canberra this Saturday and Sunday, I will keep a look out for Lilly down there.....although she is probably still enjoying the sun in Queensland.

    We will find you Lilly! You can run but you can't hide!

    Peg

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  103. Oh thank you all for all your lovely and funny and heartfelt comments. I am back posting again!!! You can call off the search party Peggy!

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  104. Hi Lilly, Welcome home.
    Hope you had a blast of a vacation. How is Jordan? I am looking frwrd to reading a lot of exciting stuff, and the asian masala recipes too. We are all waiting, dear. Hugs.

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Thanks for your comments.