28 July 2014

The Downward Dog

After six months of giving my new house more makeovers than Joan Rivers has had facelifts, and fixating about all the maintenance issues, I  had to STOP and get some perspective.

So what did my daughter suggest? Yoga....Buddhist meditation....and...... would I mind looking after her dog for a while. 

Lovely as that girl is .......I somehow forgot to clarify how long 'a while' is.  

Meet Stella. 

A very busy little Golden Retriever who is doing a sterling job retrieving plants out of my pots. Which is really a bit of a shame given there are many weeds everywhere that could benefit from her skills.

However, I have managed to get my own back. Can you guess at what point in this photo chronology she came to stay with me?

Dress ups are so fun, no? Maybe this will hurry her owner up to come and collect her dog for fear of what "Nanna" is doing to her baby fairydog. She is cute though I will give her that. Plus my plants don't make me laugh out loud like she does.  

I hope, unlike my greenery, you are all well and thriving. 

25 March 2014

It’s the 21st Century, right?

Well the upside of living in the country is that there are lots of cows close by but the downside is that it’s hard to get a stable internet connection.

Yes, apparently it's the 21st Century. Just not everywhere it seems.

However, after much moo-oo-oo-ing on my part, it’s apparently now green lights all the way.

So tell me, now I've rejoined the 21st Century, has anyone else been as obsessed as I have about the missing Malaysian Airlines jet?

I have zillions of pictures taken from plane windows.... I love flying.

It’s extraordinary that in this day and age commercial jets don’t have a requirement to automatically report their speed and position. I just never imagined that a plane could go missing for weeks when we have all this sophisticated technology available to us. Although strangely, in this case, it seems that some countries have not been very forthcoming with satellite data for fear their so called "enemies” may know their full capabilities…sigh

And now sadly the Malaysian Government announced last night that the plane has crashed in the Indian Ocean killing all 239 people on board. This conclusion, without any direct evidence, is all based on seven signals picked up by a private British firm whose satellite data showed that the flight had gone in a southerly path, deep toward the Indian Ocean, and away from any possible landing sites.
The poor passengers, crew and their loved ones. What a rollercoaster it's been.

I hope that in the next few days the weather will co-operate and enable the multinational search crews to find the missing aircraft and establish reasons for the crash.

Our thoughts and prayers are with them all.

And let's do more than hope that all governments legislate for more stringent requirements on aircraft for automatic and independent reporting of location and speed. It’s a small price to pay considering it was five years ago that the Air France flight was lost and it took two long years to find the debris.

I tell you, next time I catch a long haul flight I will not be saying my usual "no" to an alcoholic beverage or two.  

21 February 2014

Dear Pope Francis


I know you are a busy man without much time to spare but I am writing to alert you to the existence of a MIRACLE that you most definitely would not be aware of.
To expedite this matter, I have researched the miracle authentication process your organisation uses and I believe that this miracle will indeed stand up to your stringent processes.

It is without a doubt ‘mouth gapingly’ unbelievable.

I  first came across it while I was perusing the Daily Mail newspaper.

I know, please......, please hear me out.
I can understand that right about now you have an overwhelming desire to stop reading and throw this in your wastepaper basket.

Please don't.
I know this tabloid newspaper is a highly unusual and questionable source. However, I keep remembering what I learnt in Bible classes - God is everywhere and in everything. Could that also mean even possibly the Daily Mail?

Since my discovery I have been diligently carrying out my own authentication process. First, I asked a cross section of the public for their honest views about “my find”. And even though people initially took a quick look and then fobbed me off because of my so called “willingness to see the common in an uncommon way”, I persevered.
In order to ensure against any self deception, I then asked ten extremely vain people with a great deal of scientific and practical knowledge in this area, to repeatedly look at this miracle from all angles to see if they saw the same phenomenon I did. (Please note that being the professional I am I did not just rely on the impaired vision of my middleaged friends. I had the foresight to borrow my neighbour's magnifying glass to give this exercise the kind of accuracy and precision it warranted.)

I am delighted to report that every single person agreed with me. Without exception.

I have therefore come to the conclusion that what I see is definitely no illusion. It is indeed a miracle. A miracle that cannot be ascribed to the laws of nature or even human powers.  In this particular case, there has definitely been a supernatural intervention by a MIRACLE WORKER.

So, well ....  

The bottom line Frank is that once you look at this wonder I need the miracle worker’s name and contact details. Pronto.

I am not just asking for purely selfish reasons because hell, as we all know,  vanity is one of the seven deadly sins isn't it? I am actually asking for the benefit of all the millions of aging people across the world who look in the mirror every morning and want to know who that stranger is staring back at them.

 Here it is.

The Miracle unveiled.


Can you please tell me how Christie Brinkley looks like this at 60 years old? I am sure you will agree it is a Miracle. Problem is,  she ain’t sayin’ nothin’.


Kind Regards


(PS. This letter is not designed to make fun of the Pope. He is an absolute breath of fresh air who would probably have a laugh too).

16 February 2014

Exhibitionists Apply

I have decided to make a concerted effort to improve the quality of the subject matter on my blog this time round.

You see, I've just read the search terms on Google Analytics and found people looking for 'woman with bag over her head" had landed on my blog not once but 17 times in one week. Personally, I don't want to be known as some kind of senior Miley Cyrus of the blogging world.

So, this post is going to be more cultural and topical. And definitely age appropriate.

So what could be more cultural and topical than sport?

And the Winter Olympics in particular.

Well it might be except for the fact that I don't think I've watched the Winter Olympics since Torvill and Dean got perfect scores in their Bolero routine 30 years ago.

However, in a serious quest to find some recent Olympic news I did uncover something interesting and age appropriate.

Torvill and Dean.

I would have assumed that at 55 and 54 respectively, they would have been lounging poolside somewhere enjoying their retirement and living off the riches of their long career.  After all, they are still the only ones to ever receive a perfect score in Olympic skating history.

Relax? Of course not. Crazy, crazy idea.

Elite sportspeople do not think like you or I (excluding you Peggy as I know you've been cycling every day lately..well a week is ok) no matter what the numbers say on their birth certificate.

Torvill and Dean have apparently just returned to Sarajevo to recreate their winning Bolero performance. Not just in pictures people but actually on the ice.

Now given most of us can remember 30 years ago, I want you to watch this and imagine.....being dragged around an ice rink and not just out of bed. It is amazing. And no, I am not going to search for the original performance as I would like to think that in 30 years it has only got better. Just like us.

Now watch it and weep...for many different reasons .....like could I even bend down that far to put skates on??

PS Mum

This next video is really for my mother but anyone else can look too if you're not in a hurry to put your skates on. I was trying to explain to Mum that my house had been decorated by a warped exhibitionist called Kermit.  It was all lost in translation so I thought I would show her my bedroom to explain it.

Now when watching the video Mum I know the bed covers are not straight. You see after watching Torvill and Dean I had to have a bit of a lie down to recover and forgot to straighten them up. Also, I have yet to get bedroom curtains, the ones that were there had to be removed quickly, for the sake of my mental health. In particular, please note how the ensuite and WIR has its own deck with sliding glass doors (new blinds there now).

So, why Kermit the exhibitionist?

Because on every window of nearly every room there are were these bright green loud, flowery roman blinds or curtains. Bizarrely, all the blinds only come half way down the window. Imagine that in the ensuite with dressing room close by and a glass sliding door to the little deck outside. One with nature comes to mind. Crazy!! Of course the blinds were pulled up when we looked at it and I assumed that they would be fine until we got round to replacing them.... I couldn't have had blinds that size 30 years ago let alone now.

So now I have a house full of curtains up for grabs. Any midget exhibitionists can have the blinds free of charge, I am sure you know where to find me. Just google.