Dear Pope Francis

 

I know you are a busy man without much time to spare but I am writing to alert you to the existence of a MIRACLE that you most definitely would not be aware of.

To expedite this matter, I have researched the miracle authentication process your organisation uses and I believe that this miracle will indeed stand up to your stringent processes.

It is without a doubt ‘mouth gapingly’ unbelievable.

I  first came across it while I was perusing the Daily Mail newspaper.

I know, please......, please hear me out.

I can understand that right about now you have an overwhelming desire to stop reading and throw this in your wastepaper basket.

Please don't.

I know this tabloid newspaper is a highly unusual and questionable source. However, I keep remembering what I learnt in Bible classes - God is everywhere and in everything. Could that also mean even possibly the Daily Mail?

Since my discovery I have been diligently carrying out my own authentication process. First, I asked a cross section of the public for their honest views about “my find”. And even though people initially took a quick look and then fobbed me off because of my so called “willingness to see the common in an uncommon way”, I persevered.

In order to ensure against any self deception, I then asked ten extremely vain people with a great deal of scientific and practical knowledge in this area, to repeatedly look at this miracle from all angles to see if they saw the same phenomenon I did. (Please note that being the professional I am I did not just rely on the impaired vision of my middleaged friends. I had the foresight to borrow my neighbour's magnifying glass to give this exercise the kind of accuracy and precision it warranted.)

I am delighted to report that every single person agreed with me. Without exception.

I have therefore come to the conclusion that what I see is definitely no illusion. It is indeed a miracle. A miracle that cannot be ascribed to the laws of nature or even human powers.  In this particular case, there has definitely been a supernatural intervention by a MIRACLE WORKER.

So, well ....  

The bottom line Frank is that once you look at this wonder I need the miracle worker’s name and contact details. Pronto.

I am not just asking for purely selfish reasons because hell, as we all know,  vanity is one of the seven deadly sins isn't it? I am actually asking for the benefit of all the millions of aging people across the world who look in the mirror every morning and want to know who that stranger is staring back at them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Here it is.

The Miracle unveiled.

 

 

Can you please tell me how Christie Brinkley looks like this at 60 years old? I am sure you will agree it is a Miracle. Problem is,  she ain’t sayin’ nothin’.

 

Kind Regards

Lilly

(PS. This letter is not designed to make fun of the Pope. He is an absolute breath of fresh air who would probably have a laugh too).

Exhibitionists Apply

I have decided to make a concerted effort to improve the quality of the subject matter on my blog this time round.

You see, I've just read the search terms on Google Analytics and found people looking for 'woman with bag over her head" had landed on my blog not once but 17 times in one week. Personally, I don't want to be known as some kind of senior Miley Cyrus of the blogging world.

So, this post is going to be more cultural and topical. And definitely age appropriate.

So what could be more cultural and topical than sport?

And the Winter Olympics in particular.

Well it might be except for the fact that I don't think I've watched the Winter Olympics since Torvill and Dean got perfect scores in their Bolero routine 30 years ago.

However, in a serious quest to find some recent Olympic news I did uncover something interesting and age appropriate.

Torvill and Dean.

I would have assumed that at 55 and 54 respectively, they would have been lounging poolside somewhere enjoying their retirement and living off the riches of their long career.  After all, they are still the only ones to ever receive a perfect score in Olympic skating history.

Relax? Of course not. Crazy, crazy idea.

Elite sportspeople do not think like you or I (excluding you Peggy as I know you've been cycling every day lately..well a week is ok) no matter what the numbers say on their birth certificate.

Torvill and Dean have apparently just returned to Sarajevo to recreate their winning Bolero performance. Not just in pictures people but actually on the ice.

Now given most of us can remember 30 years ago, I want you to watch this and imagine.....being dragged around an ice rink and not just out of bed. It is amazing. And no, I am not going to search for the original performance as I would like to think that in 30 years it has only got better. Just like us.

Now watch it and weep...for many different reasons .....like could I even bend down that far to put skates on??




PS Mum

This next video is really for my mother but anyone else can look too if you're not in a hurry to put your skates on. I was trying to explain to Mum that my house had been decorated by a warped exhibitionist called Kermit.  It was all lost in translation so I thought I would show her my bedroom to explain it.

Now when watching the video Mum I know the bed covers are not straight. You see after watching Torvill and Dean I had to have a bit of a lie down to recover and forgot to straighten them up. Also, I have yet to get bedroom curtains, the ones that were there had to be removed quickly, for the sake of my mental health. In particular, please note how the ensuite and WIR has its own deck with sliding glass doors (new blinds there now).



So, why Kermit the exhibitionist?

Because on every window of nearly every room there are were these bright green loud, flowery roman blinds or curtains. Bizarrely, all the blinds only come half way down the window. Imagine that in the ensuite with dressing room close by and a glass sliding door to the little deck outside. One with nature comes to mind. Crazy!! Of course the blinds were pulled up when we looked at it and I assumed that they would be fine until we got round to replacing them.... I couldn't have had blinds that size 30 years ago let alone now.

So now I have a house full of curtains up for grabs. Any midget exhibitionists can have the blinds free of charge, I am sure you know where to find me. Just google.

Cooooeeeeee......

Is anyone out there?

Cos I'm back.

Again. Just like all those bad 70s rock groups...who keep going away and coming back.

Now don’t go falling off your chairs all at once. 

Because take it from me that can be a very painful experience. 

Recently, I was sitting on one of those office chairs (with wheels) in a group of 100  people totally engrossed in someone’s speech. It was so interesting that I leant forward just a little …..and you know where I am going with this right? It all happened in slow motion. The fickle chair decided to go in the opposite direction to me and I fell hard on the cold floor. A crumpled mess.

So, so humiliating…. and even more humiliating when one woman said to me as I held my hand on my painful backside….”I bet you’re glad you're well padded there because you may not bruise as much.” 

There was silence. I felt all eyes move from the speaker to me and then firmly to my backside. Isn't it lucky that I’m not only clearly well padded but thick skinned as well? 

I laughed through it because it’s the only way sometimes.

So other than free falling off chairs, what’s been happening?

I have a million and one crazy stories that I could tell you and no doubt will.

I didn’t run off with a wealthy Italian as Bill suggested in a comment on my last post despite looking really, really hard for one. Not.

In fact I can’t quite believe it’s been months and months since I have graced these pages with my presence. Does anyone agree that time really is going faster and faster? Or is that just because we are getting older? And older…

I got reacquainted with my blog around my late father's birthday when I came by to re-read his posts. My Dad will always live here so I will never close the blog. Ever.

I then started to get all sentimental about blogging and the good ol' blogging days. And then I wondered how you're all doing?

I kind of know what you are up to Peggy but please don’t tell me Aleta that your baby boy has started school or Bill that you’ve had five more grandkids or that your kids have graduated college Christine. And Naomi, Joanna and Vicki, have you had books published? And let's hope that Mike has not already celebrated a wedding anniversary yet.

As for me, I spent over a year living with my sister who has Parkinsons Disease and life was busy and blogging harder to do. So I put it to the side like some half finished knitting as there were more important things to do.

However, as I’ve now moved to the country, over an hour outside of Melbourne, my blogging interest is renewed.

I haven’t bought a pair of gum boots yet but when I open my front doors I can see cows grazing in the fields opposite. It's surreal. The sound of 'moos' during the night is certainly different from car horns, sirens and traffic.

I hope to show you more of the new house and tell you some of the crazy things that have been happening in posts to come. Meanwhile you can see some photos on Instagram if anyone uses it – just click on one of the pictures to the right and you can find me. I just started using it but I've already caught up with Betty, another great blogger, there too. Let me know if you have Instagram and I will follow you.

So how are you? No. Really. You've all been truly missed.

Cooeee – is an Aussie call for greeting someone at a distance in the bush or a long way off - far away.