I don't belong in the real World

I come from Planet X.

Oh, you knew that already? Well, I never. You should have said something.

I had to learn this fact from the Daily Show - definitely my kind of satire.

This video is the first of a three part series on Australia. It is on gun control so do not watch it if it may trigger something for you....



Frivolity aside though, don't you think we have a lot to learn from each other? Country to country, person to person?

I think we bloggers know better than most that no matter what part of the globe we come from we share more things in common than not. Right?

Planet X Australia has a whole lot to learn from other countries. And right now New Zealand, our nearest neighbour is teaching us a thing or two.

And while I know there are Aussies out there who believe that NZ is from another planet, we still need to take a leaf out of her book. Oh be damned, we should just grab the whole bloody book. And run with it.

You see Gay Marriage has just become legal in NZ.

And even though it's a tiny country of 4.4 million people (no, I have excluded all the sheep), it happens to be very progressive in the ways that count. 

NZ was also the first country in the world to grant women the vote in 1893.  Imagine. It took Australia another 18 years to do the same, the USA till 1920, UK 1928, Italy 1946, Bahrain 2001.....

So I am assuming, based on history, that it's going to be a long time before our government passes similar same sex marriage legislation. (Note, there are about 12 countries that have passed similar legislation now, including Canada).

If you want to be convinced watch this NZ Member of Parliament make a very entertaining pro-gay marriage speech. It's truly superb no matter what your views on the topic.

I so wish our Parliament could not only be that progressive but our politicians be that funny .....I might actually take them all a bit more seriously then.


                                                

Powerful hey?

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Update 28/4 - for anyone interested here is Part 2 and 3 of the Daily Show's three part series on Australia. Just be assured that our politicians are no better than anyone else's though.

Dear Kim Jong-un

I guess you expect us to be trembling in our boots given your war mongering rhetoric and threats to fire nuclear missiles at anything that moves.

But.........

Someone has got to hold their head above the parapet and tell you that you are acting like a right goose, you mad little egotist, you.

For starters, let's take your squeaky propaganda machine and all those photos and videos you keep releasing of your very powerful army.

Honestly Kim, I'm not sure your PR campaign is really working for you. I am trembling and crying alright - from laughing so hard.

(Readers you may need to turn the sound down as the commentary is something to behold and migraine worthy).



Ninja soldiers? Really? In a performance that rivals any self respecting high school acrobatic team you've got fly kicks, left-right jab combinations, body flips, tuck and rolls, and, of course, leap frogging.

It is difficult to tell whether your soldiers are training for hand-to-hand combat or the national cheer leading championships.

However, I am intrigued by one thing.  How do they keep their hats on while doing those rollovers? Seriously. Clever.

And I was completely gobsmacked when I saw your female soldiers. At least gender equality is alive and well in your neck of the woods because women get to wear those big hats too.

Oh....hang on though....look at their feet....they also get to wear some pretty big heels as well.

I am not sure four inch heels will make them combat ready Kim but they sure do look catwalk ready. Sweet.




Female soldiers patrolling along the banks of the Yalu River, near the North Korean town of Sinuiju opposite the Chinese border city of Dandong.

Anyway, it's all a smokescreen right? While you keep your countrymen starving of food and reality, you've probably gone out and bought yourself some more nukes with borrowed money while growing yourself another chin.

Is that what your temper tantrum is all about little Kimmy? 

The rice crops have failed, you overspent at the nuke factory and now you're desperate for a handout?

Well I hope America and South Korea ignore you and your big brother China teaches you a lesson you won't forget about dummy spits, diplomacy and capitalistic ventures.

And speaking of the latter, I have a money making idea for you.  

Why don't you just drop the bombs (no, not literally) and dance to a different tune. 

You could become the star of your own reality TV show.

It would be comedy gold, truly.

And best of all, it will give you more bang for your buck and become just the hit you're looking for.

Imagine this for a minute, if you will Kim. YOU could become the new Psy.

Psy may be dominating the World right now, putting South Korea on the map for younger generations and making millions along the way, but you could easily knock him off his perch.

And best of all we know how much you love a bit of competition with South Korea.

You already have the Psy(chopath) part down pat, have all the right moves and those girls in uniforms will make better window dressing than they do soldiers (Robert Palmer is no longer around to quibble about conceptual copyright).

And don't worry in the least about a lack of talent. Psy has shown us that talent is totally overrated.

And, when you succeed in knocking little Psy off the front pages of the tabloids, the rest of the World will finally take you more seriously and give you some respect man. You will explode across the World.
 
See, solving World Peace is just too damn easy. Has Hilary's successor been announced yet?
 

Just call me the Thief Whisperer

A Shocking Liar

Or Totally Paranoid

It all just depends on what you conclude after reading this post.


Graffiti aerosol artist Sofles's handiwork.

I have a bit of a love hate relationship with public transport. I see its value in cities but I just think that the people who really need it are often the ones who are the most at risk when using it.

This was really evident to me when I lived in Scotland. I often caught buses to get into Edinburgh from the little village I was living in. And I felt really sad about the large number of elderly people who had to catch the bus because it was the only way they could get out to do their shopping.

It took some of them a long time just to climb in and out of the bus. And then they often had to stand because younger people would not offer them a seat. They then had to try and hang on to something when the bus was braking constantly all the while juggling their walking sticks, shopping bags and trolleys. Anyway, to this day I really do not like to see elderly or vulnerable people travelling alone on public transport and I always keep a watchful eye out for them.

I personally have never had any cause for concern using public transport and I often use trains no matter which city I happen to be in.

On Saturday I caught a near deserted train into the City in the middle of the day.

I sat in the end seat in the "Quiet" carriage and noticed only two other passengers in the front of the carriage.

I kept my sunglasses on as the sun was shining brightly through the windows. I put my earphones in and sat back to have a relaxing journey listening to my favourite tunes.

After two stops, I saw four teenage boys step on board and walk towards me one after the other. The first boy walked straight through to the next carriage. The second boy sat down in the seat opposite me and said he was "going to stay put."

The third boy sat in the seat in front of him and the fourth sat next to me.

Of all the seats that were available in the carriage they chose to sit right on top of me.

I immediately became uncomfortable.

They talked amongst themselves for a minute or two before the young guy sitting next to me turned and asked, "Hey, what brands do you like lady?"

What brands do I like? Lady?

I told him that I was pretty sure that we would not like the same brands at all.

He looked about 15. He then started reeling off a list of brands such as Ralph Lauren, Tommy Hilfiger, Nike etc as though he had learned it by rote.

"You know what I mean?" he asked.

I told him that sure I had heard of the brands but I was not into brands and they were way too expensive for me.

He turned to me and said, "Well you sure don't look like a lady that doesn't like brands. Look at you, you're wearing Prada sunglasses."

Truly, who notices brands?

They're quick I will give them that. Yes, I was indeed wearing Prada sunglasses but with my hair covering the logo.

I quickly told him that a friend got them for me in Thailand and they were knock offs (lie). Instinctively I held onto my bag and phone a little tighter.

I took off my glasses and held them in front of me and said loudly. "They're great don't you think? Just like the real thing. Maybe you could get the brands you like over there for next to nothing too."

He then told me he was dressed in all new Ralph Lauren gear and then his mate told me that he was dressed from head to toe in Tommy Hilfiger.

I am not sure what reaction they wanted. If any.

I told them that they were pretty lucky to afford clothes like that (all the time thinking that they probably had nicked them from the local department store).

"Oh that's because I am a lawyer", came the smartass reply.

His mate said, "You can't say that you idiot, you've got to go to college to do that".

"OK", he said, "I'm a thief and I paint trains."

And that I guess was probably closer to the truth.

He shifted closer to me forcing me to move as close to the window as I could get.

Trying to break his current thought patterns (thank you Edward de Bono), I told him that my best friend's son is a graffiti artist and he paints trains all over the world and gets paid lots of money to do it. I said, "I bet he wears all the brands you guys like and doesn't have to steal to get them."

"What's his name then?", two of them said in unison.

"Ummm, his name is um, .....Daley Wilson (a big fat lie)" I offered.

"No", the guy sitting next to me said. "What's his tag?"

"Mmm", I said, "I am not really sure. Tell me a few and I will see if I remember."

Vinson, Sofles, SIROC, they yelled out.

"I think it's the second last one, that sounds really familiar." I said.

"Wow, lady, that is amazing", the boy next to me said. "You really know him? Wow, you know Sofles?"

Well I know of him now, anyway.

They then got up one by one and I hoped that meant that they were getting off at the next station.

"See you then lady, have a real good day. Say hello to Sofles for us when you see him next." one of them called over his shoulder. 

As they were walking towards the door they stopped to look at the map on the wall, so I took a picture of them with my phone. Bits of kids with their flash gear on that look pretty harmless, no?

Notice the one in the middle has his collar up so you can see the Ralph Lauren logo - I thought only old men wore that brand.

The two teenage girls at the front of the carriage each turned around and gave me a knowing look. I said, "Jesus Christ" and breathed a big sigh of relief.

These kids really scared me.

I just wondered what they saw when they picked me out to sit down next to. Alone? Am I now one of those people I used to feel sad about on Scottish buses?

As the train pulled out of the station I looked into the next carriage and noticed familiar caps. They did not get off the train at all, they had just moved to the next carriage.  

I would have loved to tell them what I really thought but I decided to engage with them and use the only thing of any use that my ex taught me, Bullshit Baffles Brains.

I am not sure I will choose a deserted carriage to sit in any more though. My intuition wasn't telling me positive things about these kids...I got the menacing signal loud and clear. That has not happened before, ever, and I have met all kinds of strange people on public transport and on my travels.


PS Sorry Sofles, whoever you may be, for using your name in vain. I think it was for a good cause and just so you know, you clearly have some influence. Please use it really, really wisely because we truly have some **(*)(*)*)*) up kids around.