Someone has got to hold their head above the parapet and tell you that you are acting like a right goose, you mad little egotist, you.
For starters, let's take your squeaky propaganda machine and all those photos and videos you keep releasing of your very powerful army.
Honestly Kim, I'm not sure your PR campaign is really working for you. I am trembling and crying alright - from laughing so hard.
(Readers you may need to turn the sound down as the commentary is something to behold and migraine worthy).
Ninja soldiers? Really? In a performance that rivals any self respecting high school acrobatic team you've got fly kicks, left-right jab combinations, body flips, tuck and rolls, and, of course, leap frogging.
However, I am intrigued by one thing. How do they keep their hats on while doing those rollovers? Seriously. Clever.
And I was completely gobsmacked when I saw your female soldiers. At least gender equality is alive and well in your neck of the woods because women get to wear those big hats too.
Oh....hang on though....look at their feet....they also get to wear some pretty big heels as well.
I am not sure four inch heels will make them combat ready Kim but they sure do look catwalk ready. Sweet.
|Female soldiers patrolling along the banks of the Yalu River, near the North Korean town of Sinuiju opposite the Chinese border city of Dandong.|
Anyway, it's all a smokescreen right? While you keep your countrymen starving of food and reality, you've probably gone out and bought yourself some more nukes with borrowed money while growing yourself another chin.
Is that what your temper tantrum is all about little Kimmy?
The rice crops have failed, you overspent at the nuke factory and now you're desperate for a handout?
Well I hope America and South Korea ignore you and your big brother China teaches you a lesson you won't forget about dummy spits, diplomacy and capitalistic ventures.
And speaking of the latter, I have a money making idea for you.
Why don't you just drop the bombs (no, not literally) and dance to a different tune.
You could become the star of your own reality TV show.
It would be comedy gold, truly.
And best of all, it will give you more bang for your buck and become just the hit you're looking for.
Imagine this for a minute, if you will Kim. YOU could become the new Psy.
Psy may be dominating the World right now, putting South Korea on the map for younger generations and making millions along the way, but you could easily knock him off his perch.
And best of all we know how much you love a bit of competition with South Korea.
You already have the Psy(chopath) part down pat, have all the right moves and those girls in uniforms will make better window dressing than they do soldiers (Robert Palmer is no longer around to quibble about conceptual copyright).
And don't worry in the least about a lack of talent. Psy has shown us that talent is totally overrated.
And, when you succeed in knocking little Psy off the front pages of the tabloids, the rest of the World will finally take you more seriously and give you some respect man. You will explode across the World.
See, solving World Peace is just too damn easy. Has Hilary's successor been announced yet?