I'm all out of words.....

“Why?” she sobbed, searching my face for answers.  

I hugged her tight but no words would come.

For the first time ever, the most verbose person on the planet, has no words.

Right ones, wrong ones, even funny ones.


Nothing.

Why the freaking hell indeed?

How does she, the kindest person I know, make sense of life after struggling for 25 years with one serious illness and then have to suffer the blow of being diagnosed with an even more serious condition?

She is only 18 months older than me. How can it be so?

I may not have the answers for her but I need to find some words.


The right words. 

I am sitting here looking out to sea and feeling ...... grateful for where I am in my own life but guilty because someone dear to me is in a dark and scary place.

As the waves crash over and over, I'm hoping, wishing and praying that somehow it could all be different.

I've always thought the Ocean and Life are strange bedfellows in their own schizophrenic ways. Great levellers when you least expect it. Calm and peaceful one minute then suddenly overwhelming, dark and terrifying the next. Both have ebbs and flows and sudden swells that can delight us one minute and completely flatten and leave us gasping for air the next.

In times of angst I am easily triggered by past events in my own life which left me feeling desperate and in crippling pain. Six years ago, before I started writing here, my life was nearly wiped out literally at the hands of someone I loved and completely trusted. I then found out that I was living in a web of lies so toxic that it took years to unravel. And I too cried over and over, "Why me?" "What did I do to deserve this?"

And while asking questions didn't solve anything I know that the kind and motivational words of others absolutely did. A gentle hand and an understanding word can pull you through the darkest of places.

So here I am fishing for the right words even though everything I think of sounds like I am channelling some bad Kenny Rogers impersonator.

               Life is a lottery and there are always going to be winners and losers.

                  Hardship is the best teacher of all.

                  You have to roll with the punches.

                  There are no real answers why bad things happen, they just do.

                  You just have to accept it.

                  Life is not very fair.

What did I want? I just wanted validation that what I was dealing with and feeling were real.  Then I wanted some kernals of hope to cling to that I would survive and be able to move forward.

I think that Hardship can be one of the strangest gifts we ever can receive. While we would prefer to avoid it at all costs, most people I know who have faced hard times come out the other side far better people.

I learnt some great lessons. I have resynchronised my expectations about Life and what it owes me. I am a far happier and more accepting person. My sense of humour has grown tenfold. I am far more empathetic. I pray more reverently. Love more authentically. Fight harder. Fear less. Appreciate the good things more often. Yet still I cry and get frustrated at the sad stuff.

So perhaps I need to ditch the empty platitudes and just give her two things, VALIDATION and HOPE. Then I will do my best to keep her laughing long and hard until she too gets to see a glimmer of light at the end of another dark tunnel.

Do you have any words you can share about how to deal with the tough curve balls life throws at us? What helped or is helping you through hard times?

The Earth Moved

Literally.

An Earthquake rumbled through my hometown last night (no-one was hurt and there was no major damage I believe) but I missed all the excitement as I am visiting family ‘up north’. 

Can you believe this is what Winter looks like in Queensland, Australia?
 

I've been lazing around in the sun enjoying the views and getting some much needed doses of Vitamin D.

As I was short of reading material today, Mum gave me one of her magazines called Life Choices, fun for people in their 50s, 60s and beyond.  How depressing. Sandwiched in between a recipe for Lamb rissoles and a tax advice column was an article called, How to stop your husband leering at younger women. Truly, what fun!

Then my cousin gave me the book, Fifty Shades of Grey. She told me it was the fastest selling paperback of all time (take that Harry Potter) and that it is now being made into a film. She swore that I would read it in one sitting and rush out and buy the other two books in the series just like she and all her friends had done.

AND.

OH. MY. GOD.

SHE. WAS. RIGHT.

Just not for the reasons she thought though.

The book was truly DREADFUL. So dreadful in fact that I kept reading it wondering when I would get to the 'best bits'.

Am I alone in wondering how this book could be an international best seller? For those of you who haven't read it I will give you a brief summary of the critical bits.

The plot traces the relationship between recent college graduate Anastasia Steele and manipulative billionaire Christian Grey. 


Ana has an extremely impressive vocabulary. She says "Jeez" 181 times and "Oh my" 172 times. She also suffers from an unfortunate case of Rosacea it seems, as she "blushes" or "flushes" 125 times. Her rosy hue is so intense that it is described as "scarlet" 13 times, "crimson" 8 times, and most patriotically on one occasion as "stars and stripes red". 


She "peeks up", through fluttering eyelashes at Christian no less than 33 times and his "mouth presses into a hard line" 10 times. She thinks he is "so freaking hot" that she mentions 28 times just how "hot" he is. He clearly has a couple of physical issues which bother her slightly as she tell us 12 times he has "hooded eyes," and 11 times that he has a "long index finger". 


Ana and Christian never seem to just talk. They "murmur" 199 times, "mutter" 49 times, and "whisper" 195 times. Then they "clamber" on, in and out of things 41 times. They "smirk" 34 times, "gasp" 46 times and unfortunately experience 18 "breath hitches" which somehow does not result in a 911 call.


Finally, in an effort to keep a sense of harmonious or aesthetically pleasing proportionality and balance, Ana and Christian exchange exactly 124 "grins" and 124 "frowns"...keeping us all happy. Although, between you and me, I am not sure that Ana would really be doing that much frowning given she experiences such "intense," "body-shattering," "delicious," "violent," "all-consuming," "turbulent," "agonising" and "exhausting" orgasms on just about every page of the book.

That's it. Oh, you wanted to know the plot? Sorry, but I could not get past the repetitive language.....


However, I did learn a few things lying out in the sun. First, that erotic fiction is apparently soaring in popularity with females of all ages. Second, that writing crappy erotic fiction can make you billions (I know how to write crap maybe this is a direction I could pursue, lol). And third, that there are apparently surefire ways to stop men leering at younger women. Who knew?

However, I think the biggest lesson of all was that staying out in the sun counting words for no apparent reason can also cause you to feel really freaking hot and go Fifty Shades of Sunburn.

Have you read Fifty Shades of Grey? Why do you think the books are so popular? 

The Author, E. L. James, has a theory that it's because her books provide women with a 'holiday from their husbands' and gives them "an escape from their own boring sex lives".