How the hell did you get my number?

Image courtesy of www.thevine.com.au

  

I recently found some great tips on Kate’s blog about how to turn the tables on pesky telemarketers.

And I have to admit that I have been keen to try them out because telemarketers have been really annoying me of late, particularly those from Charities.

As a rule I never answer a call on my mobile from an unknown number because I assume if someone wants to speak to me they will leave a message.

Last Friday I received a few calls from an unknown number but no message was left.

When the phone rang for the fourth time, I decided to answer the call. I just knew that it was someone trying to sell something.

“Hello”, I said in a cheery, you have no idea what’s coming next, kind of voice.

“Hi, how are you, it’s Paula calling from Readers Digest.”

Silent groan. How many times have I been that close to winning that $500,000 sweepstakes, Paula? Phone calls, emails, snail mail.

“Hi Paula, I am so grateful you rang to find out how I am because these days no-one seems to care. And as it happens I really need someone to talk to because I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore and to top it off my dog just died."

Dead silence.

She finally asked, “Is that Lilly or have I got the wrong number?”

“Yes, it’s Lilly but I am actually kind of busy at the moment so if you could give me your home number I will ring you back later tonight.”

“No, no”, said Paula, “I am actually at work not home so how about I ring you back tomorrow morning.”

“Oh", I said in my most empathetic tone, "so you don't want anyone bothering you at home Paula, I totally understand. Well now you know exactly how I feel. Please can you delete my details from your data base because I am not interested in winning your sweepstakes and I certainly don't want to be contacted again.”

“Lilly, hang on a minute", she said a bit more forcefully. “I just wanted to know if it was you who submitted a story to us for publication.”

Oh sheesh....

"A story?" I mumbled.

“Yes, about a dog", she said.

“Mmmm, come to think of it I may have done that online, on a whim, late one night”….(a failing memory is a terrible thing especially when I just told her the dog had died).

“Well, she said, “we thought your story was really sweet and we would like to publish it in December.”

Oh. My. Goodness.

“I am so sorry Paula, I….would love you to publish it. When I heard you say Reader’s Digest I just thought that you were trying to sell me something. I feel kind of foolish." 

“That’s ok, I understand” she laughed. "You have to remember that there are some good parts of Readers Digest too (and does that confirm that there are indeed some bad parts). I will put the contract in the mail.”

So, my only advice to you is if you pick up the phone, wait to find out exactly what the caller wants before trying to derail them with any terrorist strategies. It might save you some embarrassment.

At least we now know that Reader’s Digest is willing to publish the work of complete nutters. Just ask Paula and she will undoubtedly confirm it.

I also wanted to tell you all about an international flash fiction competition that everyone should enter.

For the International Museum of Words competition you only have to write a story with a maximum of 100 words. The prize is $20,000 and a trip to New York. The three runners up win $1,000. Now that is a good return on a 100 word effort wouldn’t you say?

The competition closes on 23 November 2012 and you can submit 2 stories per entrant. The winner will be announced in early 2013 - I am sure there will be a lot of entries to read. You can find out more and enter here.