Wednesday, 4 April 2012

I'll give you old and then some

So yesterday I got a phone call from a Retirement Village inviting me to come along to one of their High Teas.

"For what? Free Food?" I asked.

"Well", she said, "we thought you might be interested in what we have to offer with a view to seeing if our lifestyle is right for you."

NO sniggering please, it was crushing enough as it was.

I hung up.

Right for me!!!!!!  An old people's home?

My mirror tells me I'm middleaged but aren’t these places for people who are long retired? For geriatrics who have given up on life?

I am not that old, not retired and not even a grandmother yet, give me a break!

No, I did not laugh simply because I must be getting sensitive to the fact that now when I am finally getting my head together my body is breaking down. How do they happen to know that?

Either my daughter did actually read my last post and is playing a practical joke or someone is doing some very long term marketing.

I would like to let it to be known that I will not be considering one of these places for at least another 40 years.

Besides, I come from a family of hard nosed, really old people. Most of you met my father on here. Well this week I also shared a story about his mother with a couple of very dear bloggers who are fighting cancer. My grandmother was diagnosed with terminal cancer at 40, and bluntly told to go home and die. Fifty years later she was still mowing her own lawns. I have her firmly in my sights.

How can I be over the hill when I haven’t even reached the top yet. I'm still climbing, albeit a little more breathlessly with each passing year, but still trekking and looking upwards.

It’s bad enough that I am getting all these letters from government agencies strongly encouraging me to make appointments for medical tests that a woman 'of my age' needs (its essential I know, but just another reminder of the creeping years).

It must be true what they say, from your late 40s up the only names going in your little black book seem to end in MD.

However, something I've also noticed in recent times is that my personal details are getting sold to others so they can annoy the hell out of me trying to sell their wares. The ageing population is one hell of a market just remember that.

Only last week I got a call from a health fund trying to sell me something which strangely co-incided with the fact that I had just made an appointment with a new doctor two days before. I am very careful about giving out my mobile number so I knew immediately how they got my number.

Surely this is illegal? I mean there was no small print anywhere on the new patient form. I did not have to tick a box that said, I give permission for you to sell and make money off my personal details.

Fortunately, something rage age has done for me is that it's given me the balls to fight back. I rang the practice manager and said that if they are going to make any money off me then I want 'my cut'. She coughed and spluttered but didn’t deny it either.

I told her I would no longer be going to their medical practice as the next thing I know I would be finding my sexy x-rays plastered all over the internet. And while I accept we have to focus on inner beauty the older we get, I am not sure I would be making the same kind of fortune Kim Kardashian did when her nude pictures were uploaded for all to see. The manager didn’t laugh. Clearly you don't acquire a sense of humor until you are 45 at least.

Now I don’t know when old age, let alone middle age starts and when it ends but I think it all happens largely in our heads (well if you choose to ignore a few annoying symptoms).

I am just going through another stage in life, but IT’S DEFINITELY NOT OLD AGE. YET. Ask me again in another 40 years.

I did the following cartoons for a friend's birthday. (They are my originals - I did them with the Windows Paint program regardless of the fact that it looks like a 5 yr old did them)

If any of the following cartoons apply to you, well I have the phone number of a very nice retirement village, just saying....

You know you're getting old when ......
(click on image to enlarge it if you are way too old to read the small print)


  1. young werther4 April 2012 12:52

    You've got great talent Ms. Picasso!

    Use to deceive myself chanting the mantra "I'm only as old as I feel.." but then when one pulls a muscle shampooing (I still have hair!) and can no longer soap one's back without a back scrubber, maybe, just maybe I'm over that hill.....

  2. your cartoons are really good Lilly!  Those savvy marketers targeted the WRONG person!

  3. Ha ha Christine, I might start drawing again after this but they werent easy to do on the Paint program let me tell you, lol. You be they got the wrong person, a cranky old woman, lol

  4. You have hair, be thankful for something, lol. I know, I just ignore these little aches and pains because its apparently only going to get worse. A gin and tonic makes me feel less...

  5. So now they have telemarketing for old age homes and like every other market, don't actually check out their customer! Would have been very frustrating! Love the cartoons!

  6. Peggy Cameron4 April 2012 20:22

    You've got your fighting spirit back Lilly!  Yabba dabba doo!
    I'll be 60 this year, but hey I am healthy and that counts for so much and I have the mind of a 30 year old.

    I feel I haven't reached the top of the mountain yet either and when I do I plan on sliding all the way down using the likes of the new slide at the Sydney Easter Show and then get up and do it all again.

    Here's too ageing disgracefully!  :-P

    Peggy xxxxxxxx

  7. ...or when your hair grows in the wrong places...
    Loved the cartoons! 

  8. Cinderella11pm5 April 2012 02:07

    Glad you told the medical office manager off, Lilly. It's disgraceful when they sell our info!

  9. Well I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about given I am far too young lol. I love those cartoons too. You could do a whole boo with them funny girl .

  10. I meant book not boo.

  11. Ohhh i know all to well about them trying to get us in the old folks home way to early. Theyve been after me for years. I look at myself as still very very young why cant they see that?

  12. Ahhh, that's the adorable and humorous Lilly I remember!  You had me laughing all the way through just like old (ha ha) times!  Google does the same thing in matching anything I email about with the content that appears on the sidebar of my email.  At least the delete button is a mere click away and I only have to roll my eyes as I push it :)  Soooo good to have you back! 

  13. Thanks for stopping by Vicky and much love to you. Xx

  14. Hey Dawnie, well we are young that's why. We are just business opportunities to them. Hope you are well xx

  15. Ha ha Betty, that's a good one. We need to think of more and we could do a whole series of these cartoons.

  16. And truth is Peggy you look fantastic. I am with you here is to aging disgracefully, it's the only way to go. Xx

  17. Thanks lovely to see you stop by.

  18. I know and I am not sure how they get away with it. I assumed medical staff would be professional and ethical but many practices are just owned by big comp noes now. The doctors are mere cogs in the wheel.

  19. Of course you are too young so am I lol. Bad eyesight is helping me.

  20. Thanks for visiting Kathy.

  21. I found you again!  Can't wait to catch up with Lilly and her life!  Tried leaving a comment on your latest Inspirations post, but wasn't granted access.  Can't figure that out ... the 1865 on the building's facade reminded me of our Civil War ... the year the bloodshed ended.  

  22. Candelaria_s7 April 2012 05:28

    You have notions of privacy and permission. You really are old, Lilly.  Love the drawings.  There's a book here.

  23. I knew I was right. I poured myself a glass of Chardonnay and settled in to read your blog to forget the stupid bullshit I had to deal with lately and get the smile back onto my face. Because no matter what crap YOU experience, you make "light" of it (if you know what I mean;). So here I am, laughing so hard that everything that's gone south will definitely stay there for good after the shakes have subsided. Thank you Lily! 

  24. Oh Fida, am so excited. Does this mean you are back blogging?

  25. Woo hoo Helen, yes I took long service leave from blogging now I am back!

  26. Oh I know! Who would think it in this day and age. In fact I strangely like doing these drawings and as they come to me I am doing them. I thinks its better than therapy.

  27. Beautiful Elegant Dazzling - Of course I'm referring to your new blog layout and the DISQUS comment system - so hip.
    Now I recall getting into a little hot water once - something about age and weather.  Well we can forget that right?
    Sexy x-rays - that's brilliant.  I think it could be a new trend.  A strong sexy spine I bet they would find in you.
    great stuff!  

  28. Thanks Lisleman. I know you were the trendsetter with Disquis. Took me age to do it and is much better hey?

  29. Those cartoons are funny, well done!

  30. I'm glad that you called them back and told them you wanted a "cut" of the profit.  I can't stand that people use marketing information without a blink of an eye.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog.  I didn't know about Vikki.  I'm very sad by the news.  She was gift in the blogging world...

  31. OldOldLady Of The Hills8 April 2012 02:33

    Hi My Dear Lilly--So happy that you came to visit me.  Much has happened in these past months...I won't go into it hear--it's all on my blog.
    As to the "retirement home"....I am certainly of the right age, BUT, I'm not going there anyway....
    Suddenly, I cannot see what I am writing....OY!

  32. OldOldLady Of The Hills8 April 2012 02:37

    That is very weird. Am I limited to how many letters I can write??? I don't remember this from before....I'm so discombobulated I don't remember what else I was going to say.....

  33. I will send you an email about how to comment and find out the latest. X

  34. Yes it's a shock and obviously sudden, such a talent.

  35. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  36. I was/am busy building my websites ;-) And just added my blog to one of my sites. Let's see how long that lasts :)


Thanks for your comments.