Sunday 4 September 2011

Warning, a whole weeks post in one....

I am an all or nothing kind of blogger it you might want to come back and visit a few times to read them all....or just read one or two....

Designated driver

Yes I know your kids, step kids, grand kids, nieces and nephews are clever but are they this clever? I was fascinated to see this video of a cute 4 year old Chinese girl apparently driving in traffic in Shandong Province while her parents are in the car.

In the video, posted on YouTube, the child can be seen calmly overtaking other cars. After a couple of minutes her father is heard apparently saying: “Jia Zheng, stop the car. Let daddy drive.”

Once the car is pulled over, the man gets out, walks around to the driver’s side and gets behind the wheel as the girl moves onto the back seat.

He is seen removing some sort of implement from the driver’s foot that appears to have been used by the girl to operate the pedals.

I am not sure whether it’s a fake or not but its a little bit risky given China’s one child policy isn’t it? It’s not like they have a spare...if something goes pear shaped.


Edward Scissorhands....
Is as bald as a badger...I kid you not...


I saw the light

and unfortunately not much else.

Recently I had to change my licence and car registration to a new State and only had one day left to do it because I’ve been travelling and was running out of time. Unfortunately to make matters worse this was also the day that I was expecting furniture to be delivered to my house.

As I could not be home when the removalists came my daughter’s lovely boyfriend volunteered to be there to let them in.

Sweet, right? All easy.

When I left home it was pouring rain. I arrived at the Motor Registry in plenty of time for my appointment. I took a ticket and went to sit down. My mobile rang. It was the removalist.
“Where are you”, he growled, “no-one is answering your door.”  I said, “My daughter’s boyfriend is there so keep pressing the intercom and yell loudly as he might be listening to music or the TV and can’t hear you. I will try and contact him by phone as well”.

I tried. Nothing, Nada. Oh, great!

Meanwhile, my name is called out and I walk up to the counter only to be greeted by Mrs, I hate my job so I am going to make you suffer”.  For expediencies sake I will just refer to her as Mrs IHMJAIAGTMYP  from hereon in.

“Have you got your number plates?” she barked at me. “Yes, I have”, I calmly reply,“they are still on the car. Do you want me to take them off now?” ” Yes”, she said. “NOW”.  So I go out in the pouring rain, get my screw driver out of the car (like everyone has one in their car right?) and try and get the plates off.

My phone rang as I was in the middle of it. It was the now very disgruntled removalist telling me that he could not make any contact with my daughter’s now totally irresponsible, deaf boyfriend.  He said he was going to wait another 10 minutes and then would have to leave and I would have to make other arrangements.

After futile attempts to contact my daughter (who was in meetings) and her boyfriend (who was god knows where), I ran back into the registry office. Dripping wet but with the plates in hand.

Mrs IHMJAIAGTMYP called me over. I handed her the number plates and she said, “Oh, I’m sorry, I should have told you that before I can process the registration we need to check the chassis number of your car. Now to do that we need you to jump through six million more hoops. So, how about you go and get your car and drive up the hill and round and round in circles until you find the depot where one of my colleagues will check the engine".  I pointed out that she only had to look at my previous registration papers to see the number. She glared at me and said through gritted teeth, “No, that is not the way we do it here. We need to check the number and it will cost you an extra $40 for us to do this.”

“Right.” I said. And off I run out in the pouring rain again like some stupid competitor in the latest reality show, Red Tape Survivor.

On the way I rang the removalist. A development. My daughter’s boyfriend managed to wake up after falling asleep on the couch. Just in time. Bravo!

I drove up the hill and pulled up sharply at the pit stop just avoiding the toes of Mrs IHMJAIAGTMYP’s colleague. “Open the bonnet”, he yells over the pouring rain. He stuck his head under the bonnet for two seconds, got what he needed and yelled, “Fine, you can go back to the car park now.”  Jesus, Mother Mary and Joseph. And that was a prayer folks not blasphemy.

I parked the car and ran into the Motor Registry. Mrs IHMJAIAGTMYP looked over at me in a rather sad, pitying way and said, “Aww, you’re soaking wet now. That’s a shame because now we have to take your licence photo”.

My hair was stuck to my head like glue. Just beautiful.

"Smile", she said. “I am trying”, I replied.

The photoshoot finished and I made a promise to myself that I will bury that licence in my wallet and never let it see the light of day. Even if the cops stop me I will just hand over my wallet and tell them to find it for themselves because I am never going to look at that photo. Ever.

Mrs  IHMJAIAGTMYP then announced that I needed an eye test. “Read the third line please”, she said pointing to the chart behind her.

I was seriously lucky even to see the chart behind her let alone the third line. It was a complete blur. And I do not even wear glasses.

Mrs IHMJAIAGTMYP’s day was improving as mine got worse. I could swear she was enjoying the moment. “Well, unfortunately”, she said,  “if you can’t read it properly you are not going to get your licence today you realise that, don’t you? And, if you can’t get your licence today you are not driving anywhere as you have no licence.”

Of course her voice, like a megaphone, bounced off all four walls making sure that every other person in the vicinity all knew that they had a blind person in their midst.

“OK, last chance” she said, “come up to this chart as it has a light shining on it and that might help you”. I started reading out the letters and clearly got one wrong. “Are you sure that’s an X?, she said. No, I am bloody not I thought. So I went through every letter of the alphabet until I got the right one and she finally......let me have my new licence.

Yes it was humiliating but not for a blind person who was not even aware of their disability.

I went to get my eyes checked the next day. There was nothing wrong with them. Stress perhaps? Non waterproof mascara maybe?

And thank goodness I don’t have to do that again for another five years....because next time I am hiring a 4 year old Chinese girl to take my place.

I just cannot do red tape, truly.


I was walking in the mall yesterday and overheard a teenage girl saying, “Mum won’t let me go. She's such a bitch now all the time. She reckons it’s because of menopause or something. Honest, she needs to be locked up until she gets over it and she’s back to normal. “ I didn’t really want to burst her bubble and tell her that it might take years for that to happen....just like adolescence ha ha!

Wise words

Melbourne graffiti spotted today: "Fight Apathy.. Or don't.. Whatever..


And to Lisleman, you bet it's Spring over here and our turn to have the sunshine.


  1. I can't get over you actually snapped the picture of Edward. Any Mrs?

  2. I know a bit rude of me hey? I didnt want to put his face in though - no, no sign of a Mrs as yet. Bet she has a beehive to rival Marge Simpsons. And no, I am not staking their house out in case anyone is

  3. Happy Spring Lilly. That Chinese video is really strange. All's well that ends well, glad you got your licence renewed and your furniture got delivered. Life can be so frustrating.

  4. OMG that video of the wee girl driving was wild ! surely it had to be a set-up ? surely .... Nobody could be THAT DAFT - could they??

    Flaming Nora ... That certainly sent my BP up a few points ! hehehe... got to watch me BP atm.. under doc's orders.

  5. Oh my goodness Lily, your poor thing! That was unbelievable.

    What a horrible experience! Ugh. So glad that you got your license after all of that - talk about making it hard on someone times 100!

    Really? A parent let a 4 year old drive? Oh my. Where are their brains?

    I liked the apathy graffiti:)

    Good to see you back and posting again - missed you!

  6. Brilliant! Such excitement...

    I'm arguing daily with the builder and praying the power steering holds till the kid finishes her driving test!

  7. Spring, Lilly, - I started to try my hand at a combination or spring/lilly phrase but realized you probably have heard them too often.
    I do enjoy the word usage differences. Most of us know the bonnet but removalist is a new one. I'm thinking mover. Your term sounds more professional.
    Hey I promise to stop by your blog and link to your licence photo if you post it. You could get a few new readers.

  8. Lilly your posts are always humourous and quirky.
    Poor you only having one day left to change your licence and car rego and what a day it was.
    I don't know if I would have had your stamina and gone through with it......too many obstacles for me!
    Take it easy my friend.
    Peggy xxxxx

  9. A whole week's worth? How lucky can we be? As always, your posts delight!

  10. Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee oh my goodness. You are so funny and yeah you should post your licence picture. If Edward Scissorhands has to so should you, ha ha.

  11. Good News, if that was Qld, the photo lasts for Ten Years, so if it is Qld, that drowned rat look in your licence photo will be around for a long time. Hehehe....

  12. Oh no Steve I am in Victoria. Now if it was Qld I would be forced to move States. 10 years with that photo, sheesh....although eventually i would like to go to QLD along with every person in the country no doubt. Every one of my siblings lives there in fact enjoying the year round sunshine.

  13. How deeply Humiliating at the License place..The I HATE MY JOB woman was a real sadist, wasn't she...HELP!
    And the daughter's Boyfriend---What the Hell was he doing, sleeping?? My most UNFAVORITE thing---People You Cannot Count On.

    I like that you gave us a pot pourie(spelling...Bad, I know) of blog goodies all in one post!

  14. Oh you make me laugh. Good to see you are able to laugh at yourself though.

  15. That was a nice, long post with full of news :):):)

  16. I can't believe you're back :) xoxo

  17. Oh, how I've missed reading all of your humourous stories. They make me laugh and smile.

    The parents of that 4-year old girl driver are irresponsible, I think, for letting her drive in a main busy road. Who knows, they probably do want to pear shape her. After all the Chinese government prefer boys over girls if I understand the policy there.

    I can't ever picture you not looking beautiful even when your hair is soaking wet.

  18. What's really scary is that the 4-year old can probably driver better than me. Sad, but true.

  19. It's refreshing to read your wise words again Lilly. I've missed your diabolical humour and the things you find. Xoxo
    That 4 yr old driving is amazing, my boys drive the car, on our laps, on the farm but NEVER on road . Sheesh a death wish.

  20. Well at least you were able to successfully get your license after all. I feel the trouble you had to endure must have been traumatic but the fact that you got to share it here must have been a relief.  ca dmv registration service


Thanks for your comments.