Thursday 11 March 2010

Succinct, salacious and short I am not

Dear Facebook
I never realised how special you were.

Until now.

It was only last week that I was telling a group of people that you and I weren't even acquaintances, let alone friends.

They all looked at each other in undisguised shock and laughed.

“No way”, they said, "you don't use Facebook?"

"Um, no".
I felt like the lone wall flower at the school dance.

It wasn't as if I had announced that I'd never used a toothbrush or worn underwear or paid taxes. Yet, I still felt I was committing some kind of terrible Social Sin.

I know that we are now defined by our social media presence but who really has time for Blogging, Twitter and you too?

I tried twittering but I got sick of the short, staccato, sentence speak. I am not succinct and salacious enough. And the only people that wanted to follow me belonged on XXX sites.
And you? Well, forgive me for saying this, but you always seemed a tad sleazy and stalkerish to me.

Why? Well think about all the information people give you. Not just their name, age and where they live, but the results of all those amusing little ‘which Twilight cast member are you most like?’ personality tests, details of their private life and all sorts of other information about who they are, what they do and where they spend their time.

A 'private' company with all that information. You could rule the world you know, you great big Media Giant.

However, as the world turns, it just so happens that I learnt some positive things about you this week that sent shivers down my spine.

First, I read in the newspaper about your war involvement.

Because of you, the Israel Army was forced to call off a raid on the West Bank after one of its soldiers mentioned it to you and you told the whole world. The soldier updated his page with, “On Wednesday we are cleaning Qantanna, and on Thursday, God willing, Going home”. The army had to cancel the raid. His page contained details of his unit and the exact time and location of the planned sweep. He was jailed unfortunately for his stupid blabbermouth mistake but no-one got bombed at least.

Then yesterday, my daughter emailed me.

A week ago, she was finally finishing her unpacking after moving to a new city. She found letters that an ex boyfriend had written her when she was a young teenager. She put a message on her Facebook page asking if anyone knew what happened to this guy. None of her friends knew and he wasn't a friend of yours either. No Facebook page.

But reconnection is your middle name, isn't it?

Yesterday, at 7.30am, my daughter was presenting some ‘Legal Eagle straight over my head type of talk’ at a breakfast seminar.

And guess what?

She looked out into the audience and her teenage boyfriend was sitting there, smack bang in the front row.

Co-incidence? I think not. Facebook you are seriously freaky. How did you do that? You really do reconnect old friends online and offline and deliver it faster than the Universe or Oprah could manage.

Maybe I will change my mind about you after all. How can I mistrust you when all you want to do is make friends and stop wars.

Your 'possible' new friend


Do you have any freakish Facebook stories, good or bad to share? And let me know if you are on Facebook, I really want to know how much of a social outcast I really am.


  1. Just wondering, if Brett Lee is on Facebook . Given that drawing pictures of them wooing you at Government House, Canberra,doesnt help. At all.

    I mean which kind of person woos on pages ? Roses on the lawn are so much better. An you in a sari too ....:-)

  2. I joined Facebook to score pix of my grandkids -- and it works a treat!

    The downside is the people keep trying to give me virtual farm animals and borrow virtual cups of sugar for the virtual cakes they're baking.....

  3. before you start FB you need to watch this FB manners guide.

    Yes I joined to see grandkid pictures. It good for keeping touch with the kids and old friends.
    I like blogging much more however. Other than the pictures FB is not that great. The short updates don't match the better content of a blog.

    Like a blog it takes up much of your time. Also, many users play these silly games all the time and invite you to join. So if you join you'll have less time to blog.

  4. I'm on Facebook! I don't do any of those quizzes and hide all notifications of Farmville, Mafia Wars etc.. as I don't play them either.

    Facebook is what YOU make it! You don't have to divulge everything and can set your own Privacy settings etc...

  5. I'm with Lisel. I like the connecton on the blog much better, but FB is great for sharing photos and finding old friends.

    Absolutely loved the way your letter came out. Well done.

  6. @ Ugich, Ha ha - I need that orange and hot pin sari I am depending on you to be my Mumbai scout and spot one and I will send funds. Oh dear all we have on the news here is Michael Clark and his girlfriend have broken up. That is headline news can you believe it?
    No news of Brett Lee though.

    @ Jeanne - oh the funny virtual lives we lead. Photos are good though and I guess the kids are not teenagers yet. I am not sure I would want to know wha tthe teenagers are doing. Maybe I will wait until I am a grandmother.

    @ Lisleman, thanks for the advice my friend. Seems like most have the same idea to see the photos. I wlll check the you tube video. Thanks you always have great links!!

    @ Lady Fi - sounds good - I guess its a great way to keep up with your sister in Oz too and catch up in real time what her and her family are up too.

    @ PHST - So you are on it too. That's 4 out of 4 so far. Thanks for your comment appreciate it very much.

  7. Oh do join me on FB!

    Walk towards the light!

    Leslie Smyers

    (yes, that is me, the one with the pashmina, in Venice)

  8. Oh Leslie, you and the pashmina in Venice, makes me sick already. A friend of mine rang me from Scotland this morning. She just had her fourth son and she was trying to decide between the names Fabiano and Jeutiano I thought she said, Her other three sons have Itlaian names as well. Um, not Fabiano I said, I would alsways think of Fabio lol! Oh Italy, I only wish.

    OK that is 5 out of 5 people on FB. I am clearly a loser...

  9. Hi Lily,

    i havent been blogging much lately or blog hopping but i've been in and out of my fb account everyday, usually to play petsociety or farmville for a few minutes:) much of the people in my life are there too! iguess, it does make the world smaller than it seems!

    Have a great day!

  10. Hello Rachel, lovely to see you. so you use FB too, Wow, no wonder I am the odd person out.

  11. The privacy settings on FB are very comprehensive - the trouble (as far as I'm concerned) is that so much of FB is also incomprehensible ! which is a pity. Plus they seem to change it around endlessly and things appear and disappear for no apparent reason.

    That said, used sensibly and carefully, it can be great for friends to keep in touch and even to meet new people too.

    However, two things you personally might want to think on first - it CAN become addictive and we in blogland would be devastated to lose you again - and if you think the financial services are a nightmare... well, some of the things that happen to people on social networking sights, due mostly to carelessness and/or lack of understanding, simply scare me to hell...

    Take care. Great post!

  12. Hi I am on facebook and chat to LadyFi on there I gave in and joined last year, I keep in touch with several bloggers and old pals too. Best wishes Blu.

  13. I recently deleted my Facebook page because it periodically got hacked and tried to send viruses to all my "friends" -- half of whom I didn't know. Of course now the other half who knew me think I have died.

  14. Hi Lily,
    I gave into temptation to friends and families invitions to join the darn thing. So sometime last year, I joined. Now, I'm friends on facebook with my own kids and with almost all of my relatives in the Philippines! And few blog friends and most of my live friends too.

    Like what your other readers are saying, you can divulge as much or as little about your personal info there.

    I don't play or take any of the quizzes either. I rarely go there. And when I do, I would either read what everybody's saying or comment on what I want to comment on.

    Hope to see you there soon.


  15. Looks like you are out in the cold Lilly. Everyone who blogs seems to be on FB too. There is a danger in doing too much online at the expense of offline social interaction I think. But, its the only way sometimes to stay in touch with what is happening in others lives like your family and close friends. Its like anything else it must be used wisely.

  16. I closed out my facebook temporarily. If you get sucked into the games it can take over your life. I usually just go on to check people's status updates. I did have over 380 friends and then I thought, WTF?? Who are these people? So I removed about 150 of them. It's pretty crazy. It you met someone once when you were 22 because they're the cousin by marriage to your best friend in grade 2's neighbour, they WILL friend you. And they WILL friend request you!! lol


    Good luck with facebook, if you decide to join!

  17. I'm old-fashioned and stubbron enough to only be a blogger. I don't do facebook, twitter or text.
    I like having face-to-face friends, and technology in general seems fairly disconnecting to me. It even has upset me with bloggger sometimes when I truly think I have a good cyber friend and then they disappear/remove their blog/stop writing and I can't even call and ask if they are okay.

  18. Cant stand any of them! Although I am on Facebook, I rarely go there, I very rarely communicate there and then primarily with my kids for quick chat, but I would never join Twitter and it has nothing to do with "modern technology" but I feel like Aurora for the most part. I love blogging, love all the people I've met but the FB, Twitter stuff just leaves me cold. I don't have a need to be in constant touch with anyone and particularly all over the web. Interesting post as always, Lilly, and it's really fun to see you back online!!


  19. I absolutely, positively LOVED the approach of this blog post. It really felt like a letter. And to FB of all things. LOL. Ohhh, how I agree with so many things you wrote. I had to actually tell my friends "please don't send me request for games and such". It's all a time sucker. I don't mind dropping a one liner here and there on FB or read a few one liners about friends. Helps to keep in touch with those who only go on FB as a means to communicate. But FB is low on the totem pole of things to update. Blogging is more my style :)

  20. I've been on Facebook for a while now. I don't post on it much, but it allows me to keep up with my daughters who live far away from me. I can keep track of what they are up to because they seem to post everything. And I can see the pictures that they post.
    I've also reconnected with a lot of old friends and relatives, which is pretty cool.
    The Farmville and stuff like that is a bit annoying though.

  21. I was so cautious at first and didn't think I would enjoy it. But I have both been found or have found so many people that I truly have enjoyed catching up with! You can limit so much of what you reveal about yourself. Or you can "hide" anyone's content from your feed without them knowing they are hidden.

    Could you be any more funny? I will be on the look out for you on FB :)

  22. On facebook...I use my page to forward my blog posts...
    seems odd that FB users (some, not all) will not leave FB to read a blog or comment. They will however read, follow and comment if the blog "feeds" into FB.

    I guess I see it as a way to offer my prose to more readers.

    I still do not use FB for anything personal.

    And as far as twitter...for me it is like snippets of verse. It forces me to be succinct. LOL which I smiled when you wrote about your wrestling with that limitation.

    I can, in twitter give uplifting words, to many readers, friends and followers...the instant they need that. To me that is the primo reason I like twitter...
    The immediate LIVE action.

    Not to be confused with the live action of the MANY MANY porn stars who seem to have penchant for prose!

  23. Hello there! I am an on-again, off-again FB user. Off the first time because an old stalker girlfriend of one of my sons used ME to find HIM. Scary! Now I'm on again with every privacy filter known to woman in place! Basically I am keeping up with close friends and family members. But I do have a link to Living Boldly on my FB page.

  24. Well, Facebook is not going to be on my Agenda. About two and a half years ago a Blog friend in Norway wanted me to see his daughters Facebook page and sent me a link. I didn't even know what Facebook was...It turned out you had to "sign up" to see anyone's page...Who Knew that "signing up" would allow Facebook to go into MY Email Address Book and send emails to EVERYONE in there saying I wanted them to be 'my friend'....Something is very wrong with this---At that time there was no option about 'privacy'.
    I never got the Facebook message and had no interest in it at all, (And STILL Don't)...I had no idea what 'a wall' was and it turned out I didn't want to know. So....I opted out. Facebook is too invasive for my sensibilities....So, no Facebook for me. And frankly, I don't really care if I am not in fashion. Blogging is more than enough for me...! And just think, Lilly....I wouldn't have met you if I weren't blogging...!

  25. I don't belong to facebook but have been ask by my friends to join. Thanks for stoppong by, have a nice weekend.

  26. Facebook gives me the willies. I read things about people that I don't really want to know. And I don't even know the people I am reading about. And do I really care that someone baked too many pancakes in Farmville?

    I find the same thing with blogger sometimes. I try not to talk about myself too much or give away too much personal information, because once it's out there, it's out there forever...!

  27. Oh Lils!

    I do believe we are sharing way too much information online. I believe that we are all be stalked by cookies, spyware, large software companies, eachother!

    And personally, I've been put off my supposedly friends & family. Life is competitive enough without having to compete on Facebook. I posted something about my children giving me grief and a casual acquaintance mom posted, "Why do some people become parents?" on hers. And you know what? She's a stepmom who never attended a sporting event for her stepson until I encouraged her. And after the one time last year had never gone to another tourny. But after I deleted her from my Facebook, she magically appeared at a sporting event for him... Perhaps she began questioning her abilities as a step-parent and quit scooping dog poop at the kennel she volunteers for and took time out from that important detail to actually go support her step-son.

    Yea. Really. So done with facebook! And it was interesting that after her comment, all her *friends* were agreeing that parenting can be trying at times!

    I will say that after a few difficult months, my kids are improving and seeing the light. Because they have a tough b*tch of a mom who doesn't give up on them and actually gives a sh*t vs. scooping sh*t.



    So, I am NOT a fan of Facebook. It leans towards the fake side, things can be taken way too seriously, some things are not to be shared, etc ... And I use mine to monitor my children, not as a social tool. I have to mentor them as to what should or should not be said because things can be misconstrued or twisted. Or, are flat out inappropriate and they are not mature enough to realize it.

    Think of all the issues with kids and cell phones these days. Huge problems for some teens. Technology can be fun but can also be a huge problem. We as parents have to protect our kids and educate them on so much more these days.



  28. Oy, I used to Facebook to keep up with my nieces and nephews but then I started getting all the friend requests and suddenly every former business associate and lost lost boyfriend was in my face. Then one thing lead to another and now my main FB page has a picture of my hubby's ex-wife reminding me that we have friends in common. And, well, that did it for me. I deactivated my account.

  29. I'm also on Facebook but I'm looking to reduce my time on it - it can become addictive. When I was a child I used to have an imaginary friend. Now I'm on Facebook I have 72 of them...

  30. OMG you are all the most hilarious and delightful people. Your responses made me laugh out loud and I think Blogger may be enough for me after all.

  31. I want to shut my FB, Myspace, Linkedin and other million accounts but what will my "friends" think of me....

  32. Young Werther, here is what they think. Your true frinds will contact you by phone or knock on your door to see if you are ok. Then you will know who your true friends are. Try it!

  33. Oh Lilly you are back and firing on all cylinders. Of course I am on Facebook isn't everyone?

  34. Very funny. I can't believe how much I am caught up in the whole Facebook whirl, at 65-years-old. It is a fast way to stay in touch with a lot of people when time is at a minimum ( and when you get to these advancing years, you never know when you'll breathe your last breath!! )

  35. Getting rid of my FB account too, it's a really shallow way of communicating IMO. Also trying to get the teenage girl off it, just another platform for teen girl nastiness.

  36. Your post is really cute and totally make sense. I never saw Facebook that way, now you created new insight in my mind. Thanks! Also I agree that Facebook reconnects us with old friends, it is really surprising sometimes when you see who invites you in Facebook. Literally your long lost friend and that is great.

  37. I really love using Facebook BUT I have had to 'get rid' of a few people who become annoying. And you have to prune your friends every so often when you realise that the waiter you met one time at your favourite restaurant suddenly is getting to read snippets about your life. I like to share just not with everyone.

  38. I am not facebook either. Another blogger - he had done a post on social media, when I said I was not on facebook, told me that I did not belong to this century.
    My kids are on facebook and I personally feel it is their space and I do not want to intrude there. And I would hate receiving messages from strangers that they want to be my friend. Am happy with blogger friends.

  39. @ Radha - Poor kids, I wonder how many parents have been rejected as their kids friends on Facebook, lol!

  40. Hi Lilly :) I'm so glad to see you back! It is good to hear your voice!

  41. Yep, I'm on FB, but not for all that empty social contacty stuff; only people I have some connection with, and I like it like that. I also have 2 is for friends and family, the other of people I meet thru blogging and online....

  42. @ Braja, what a great idea. I like it!!

  43. I am on Facebook and I think its great if you use it for the intention its there - to keep in touch with people you know and fmaily and reconnect with those friends from the past. Security is important though.

  44. Facebook ?? I have the idea that it's a bit spooky at times .... I must admit to having joined them a while ago but soon got fed up with the farm and stupid games and stuff so signed out - permanently.

    I definitely won't be signing up again.. I think that blogging is something that appeals to me much more. Much more interesting in my opinion and you meet (virtually) much more interesting folk.

    Hugs from Scotland pal - Kate x.

  45. Hi Lilly, So glad to see you again and thanks for coming by my place and all your lovely comments you left there. I feel so much closer to my blogging friends that I am also friends with on facebook. We seem to know each other even better and keep up with our friends and family also. I, totally, realize it is not for everyone. I hate all the farmville and my town, hearts and all that stuff on there but really enjoy seeing photos of my grandson, family and friends and staying in contact with people I used to work with now that I am retired.

  46. Funny post, I love it! For me, it all started with facebook. ( was extremely addicted for about a year. Even got lot so friends addicted. The 2 months ago I started writing and blogging for the very first time, and now I am addicted to all of this instead. Blogging and writing doesn't even seem comparable to facebook anymore, although I still use facebook to keep up and friends and to post my Blog to of course! lol I love your writing and am following now! Have a great weekend! ~ Coreen

  47. Thanks everyone for your comments and welcome Coreen. So interesting about how everyone uses FB but it seems blogging wins out anyway.

  48. I am a proud
    non user of facebook :)

    be well
    Ribbon x

  49. I'm on FB, but I don't use it much. It's just too invasive and, well, ridiculous. Seriously, what game am I being asked to play now and what? You sent me a flower but I have to sign up for something I don't want to get it?

    Nah, I'll stick to blogging.

    I personally think that when we ask the universe for things, the universe answers us, and that often ends up in looking like some sort of coincidence or serendipity. I just think the universe works in mysterious ways, and we should just be thankful. :)

  50. @ Fragrant Liar - I like that thought a lot. We should throw it out there, on Facebook or not. Lovely thought.

  51. Lilly,
    Hope I didn't catch the middle of your next post update and you are on to the next post since this one is running a little long.
    Anyway, since you did makeup (right?) I figure you have great color matching abilities.
    I just remodeled my blog (pardon the dusty bytes) and would like your opinion.

  52. I found your blog through Jes at Prospero's Cellphone and was interested to read your post about Facebook, as I also did a post on my blog this week about the same subject. Although mine was out of concern that FB weren't willing to install the CEOP safety button which would go some way to protect children from grooming by paedophiles. Most of the other social networking sites have agreed so I was a little angry about FB.

    Your post of course points out the advantages...something I also recognise and enjoy..and I'm glad because it's good to have a balanced view.

    I think at brief glance I might enjoy your blog so I'm going to add you to my list.

  53. @ Ayak - I had not heard about that so yes, I can understand why you would be upset with them. It is a big issue and I think If I had young children I would be heavily supervising their Facebook use. That is why there are less issues with blogging. Who is going to spend all the time required maintaining a blog except the authentic folk. Facebook is too easy to be anonymous. You raise a very good point and thanks for letting us know that. Welcome to Lillys Life.

  54. I wrote a blogpost called "You're not my Effin' Friend" about defriending people on Facebook. I've been on it for a while but I now find it one of the last things I do. I just don't like to live out loud like so many people do that although I do find it a good way to check in on my son.
    I do keep my Linked In profile more updated because I have found it comes in handy for business.
    I think if you determine and stick by your parameters it can be a good thing. I don't play the games or take the surveys on it. I don't share a lot of photos and things. To busy with the blogs, work, interactions in real time.

  55. @ Can-can, I will have to go and look that up, sounds a good post. I don't like to live out loud - that is a great line and could be a blog post on its own. Thanks for dropping by.

  56. I tried Facebook a long time ago and juuuust couldn't get into it. I guess I'm more of a blogger at heart. I prefer the depth and more complete thoughts you get from blogging.


Thanks for your comments.