Tuesday 2 March 2010

The light is back on


Ogling two pretty young things in a bar, the Mad Men TV series' ad executive Roger Sterling bemoans, "It's like they hit 30 and somebody puts out a light."

The 60s. I love the fashions but the attitudes, woah! Can you believe it? They were the days when a woman was expected to look her age, with her life expectancy a paltry 74, a decade lower than today.

Just yesterday my 20 something daughter told me that she was looking forward to her 30s. How times have changed. There was a time, which just seems like yesterday, that I wanted to remain 25 forever because I thought I was on a rapid decline from there.

My views on aging, changed somewhat when I went to southern Italy. Age seems irrelevant. Women of all ages are admired, watched and paid attention to. And its been my favourite destination for this and many other reasons ever since.

Thank goodness that somewhere amid our eternal youth obsession, the rest of the world is catching up. It's now older women who have become the ones to watch. They have style and substance. The new fashion icons -from Helen Mirren to Michelle Obama - prove that maturity has its own powerful allure.

Perceptions of beauty have always been as changeable as beauty itself and redefined on a whim. It's no longer youth we revere but substance. Experience over a fresh face, wisdom over innocence. A pert mind is more appealing than, well ...

We've all heard 40 is the new 20, 50 the new 30, and at last it seems we mean it. Far from fading into oblivion, women over 40 are no longer invisible.

What do you think, is society's obsession with youth changing? Or maybe where you come from, the elderly have always been highly revered.

Tomorrow's post: Stasia Dabrowski an 84 year old Polish woman who is a local hero of mine and who taught me to love people and use things as opposed to love things and use people.

37 comments:

  1. Oh Lilly ..... I would love to think that in my very late 60's I still have whatever it takes to turn heads or pay close attention. But, alas, that is not the case. The good news? It really doesn't matter because I am secure in my skin, know what I'm all about and how much I am loved, I know what I have to offer ~ a lot of people in their 20's, 30's, even 40's can't say that! Sadly some never reach that point.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Helen, sweetheart, you have it in bucketloads. I have just been by your blog and seen your latest pictures. Late 60s, no way jose! I just finished writing on one of your posts, beautiful inside and out and I meant it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I think that as we grow older ourselves, our perceptions change. Allowing us to see that the older women were always revered and appreciated. I would wager that the younger generation still think as we did when we spry and frisky.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Eric S - how are you stranger? Lovely to se you stop by. Seems like many of us have been away from blogging for too long. I will be over to catch up with you.

    ReplyDelete
  5. All's well that ends well, or it should be. I see your going to post daily, so I'll try to sneak in a few comments here and there. I'm not sure how much posting I'll be doing, but I do have to get around to see a few folks, Tasha for sure.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I blame marketing for much of it. Every direction you turn they create a need for you to look better.
    I don't know any models (maybe you were one?) but I bet there are beautiful sad messed up models out there.
    I don't know much about new trends except for this cougar thing (which could backfire IMHO) but society should appreciate the wisdom of age.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Do you want to know why Italian women have it so good? It's because they're SCARY AS HELL! lol Seriously, they do frighten me.

    ReplyDelete
  8. @ Lisleman - err no I was not but I think the population is again and therefor advertising will change in years to come to be targeted to older markets. I think thats a good thing.

    @ Rhonda - ha ha, you think? I love Italians. I alos love how they spend most of their money on clothes. Presentation and style are so important to them. By the way I think you could match em when it comes to being SCARY, lol!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. There are so many older woman I admire in the public eye. Just look at all the actresses over 40 these days. Meryl Streep for example is 60 and she is having a career resurgence. I think its great.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'm a little bored with the whole 80 is the new 20. I'm 48 - I don't feel as good or look as good as I did 20 years ago. The only thing that has improved is my confidence and even that still manages to come undone sometimes.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I'm not sure Lily...I would like to think that Women (and men) do have a better time of it now...but everytime I relax and feel fine, some young 'oik' seems surprised if I show my brain is still alert...And there still is ageism in the workplace...on the scrapheap by 60. Over here, high profile female TV announcers have been removed because of age...It is worse for elderly women, but there is not too much sympathy for old men.

    Mind you, that's on a bad day. :)

    xhenry

    ReplyDelete
  12. Eek! Lilly with one 'L' above....:o...forgive me and please put it down to a "Senior" moment.

    (I think there's been a few of them lately)

    xh

    ReplyDelete
  13. Lilly,

    So glad you posted this aging stuff. I couldn't wait to be 60. We happened to be on a family trip to the Andamans on that day, and turns out the Naval Museum was free for those 60 and above. I cant tell you how tickled I was about showing my ID.

    All this stuff about 80 being the new 60, and 60 being the new 40, simply says that these marketing types know tables of 20. And this business of turning other people's heads ....one should really work on keeping ones own, nice and supple.

    Every age is yours to enjoy as you know best, without hurting anyone. And when you are no more, people remember your mind and heart and not the shape of your nose...

    ReplyDelete
  14. @ Rowe, oh yes but imagine how old 48 seemed in the 60s. Now, people are going to be working until their 70s or later. I dont think we are meant to look like we are 20and that is perfectly ok. I am for healthy these days!

    @ Soul Merlin - oh I have been meaning to pop over and visit you and will soon. That is what is great about the US they still have older women on TV News. We are just starting that moreso now. Its changing but slowly. Also, more older people are working these days too - its a must for many given the financial crisis and becaus egovernment cannot afford the pensions. Interesting days ahead.

    @ Ugich - And when you are no more, people remember your mind and heart and not the shape of your nose... I love that line. How good is that? And you my dear have a gorgeous smile. Now I know what it looks like!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Lilly, I'd like to think age doesn't matter anymore, but I think it does matter to some, not all. can't wait for tomorrow's post!

    ReplyDelete
  16. I do think things have changed somewhat since 30 years ago. I remember feeling like I should get married before I hit 25. Nowadays, my kids feel they should wait till they are closer to 30 and my son doesn't even think marriage is necessary at all. Ah well. As for what we look like... I don't know. I do know that I don't think you're elderly unless you're older than 90 and even then some of those seniors seem more energetic than me.

    ReplyDelete
  17. @ Christine - yes hopefully the grey army will take over.

    @ Kay - I remember my grandmother used to talk about this "poor old lady" all the time. One day I asked her how old she was and she said she was 70. My grandmother was in her 90s. It's all relative I guess and inside we dont feel oler than 20 I am sure.

    ReplyDelete
  18. First, my dear, let me say I was thrilled to see that you visited me...! I was beginning to worry a bit and of course, I haven't been as good about visiting as I should....
    Age. Well....this young "reality show" girl, here in the states has just had 10 Plastic Surgery proceedures done on herself. She is around 22. So, I'm afraid the OBSESSION with youth and some version of Beauty-To-Her, is alive and well...I found it deeply depressing and very scary that this yping girl, who looked pretty to me, didn't think she was. Such low self-esteem and such emphasis on the outer, I find so very very sad.
    I'd love to believe that Age is now revered here, but I'm not sure that it is, at all---with some exceptions, of course. It is an interesting question, dear Lilly....And don't you think a lot of it has to do with balues? What we value in life and in ourselves and in other people.
    Also....I am feeling my age these days and I'm afraid that comes with physical problems and the fact that at a certain point, your body begins to betray you, and this certainly reminds you that you are older. The aches and psins and creaks....OY...(lol).

    ReplyDelete
  19. Hey girl glad to see your back and your front as well....LOL
    I believe all this aging debating is the baby boomers NOT wishing to grow old and obselete. And it is working so far.
    My age has never worried me. I still feel like a 25 year old. I know I don't look like one but I do act like one.
    Look forward to reading your musings for March.
    Big hugs
    Peggy xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  20. The Swedes do tend to idolize the young rather than the old, but even that is changing.

    I loved being in my thirties - I felt so much more secure and self-confident!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Age is a but a number until the joints start wearing out..

    ReplyDelete
  22. @ Naomi - yes I agree it is values. Yes I read about that young woman who had all those surgeries. That is incredibly sad. Glad you dropped by.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Hi Lily, interesting posting.
    An older woman knows how to smile with such brightness and truth, old men stagger.
    An older woman will never ask out of the blue, "What are you thinking?" An older woman doesn't care what you think".

    An older woman's been around long enough to know who she is, what she wants, and from whom. By the age of 50, few women are wishy-washy. About anything.

    And yes, once you get past a wrinkle or two, an older woman is far sexier than her younger counterpart! Her libido's stronger.
    Her fear of pregnancy's gone. Her appreciation of experienced lovemaking is honed and reciprocal.
    And she's lived long enough to know how to please a man in ways her daughter could never dream of.

    Older women are sublime. They seldom contemplate having a shouting match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive dinner.

    Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

    You have a nice day, stay young, stay beautiful and keep a song in your heart. Best regards, Lee.

    ReplyDelete
  24. As I approach 52, my age becomes a matter of valuing more and more good physical health.
    As I increase my emotional, intellectual and spiritual health, my looks have become almost irrelevant. I'm 50 pounds overweigth with gray hair, and yet my Light shines so much that almost everyone I come across smiles at me.
    That to me is beauty.

    Whereas when I was young (20'S - 40's) with a luscious body and long brunette hair, my unhappiness and low self-esteem made me isolated and feeling disconnected from everyone, jealous, insecure, lost.

    Now is better:)

    Hollywood has standards that have nothing to do with truth, only illsuion that popularity matters.
    Witness poor Lindsey Lohan, who has such an exquisite face.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Such a wise quote from your older friend!
    Glad you found the Morocco blog with all the colors.
    Sadly we are now back in NY where it is winter still.
    I bet you have summer in Oz still.

    Such a good discussion of age and beauty on Pamela's blog The House of Edward( I think it is thehouseofedward.blogspot.com )
    Hayley Mills and Vanessa Redgrave etc etc.
    Glad to have found your blog

    ReplyDelete
  26. Such a wise quote from your older friend!
    Glad you found the Morocco blog with all the colors.
    Sadly we are now back in NY where it is winter still.
    I bet you have summer in Oz still.

    Such a good discussion of age and beauty on Pamela's blog The House of Edward( I think it is thehouseofedward.blogspot.com )
    Hayley Mills and Vanessa Redgrave etc etc.
    Glad to have found your blog

    ReplyDelete
  27. Such a wise quote from your older friend!
    Glad you found the Morocco blog with all the colors.
    Sadly we are now back in NY where it is winter still.
    I bet you have summer in Oz still.

    Such a good discussion of age and beauty on Pamela's blog The House of Edward( I think it is thehouseofedward.blogspot.com )
    Hayley Mills and Vanessa Redgrave etc etc.
    Glad to have found your blog

    ReplyDelete
  28. Such a wise quote from your older friend!
    Glad you found the Morocco blog with all the colors.
    Sadly we are now back in NY where it is winter still.
    I bet you have summer in Oz still.

    Such a good discussion of age and beauty on Pamela's blog The House of Edward( I think it is thehouseofedward.blogspot.com )
    Hayley Mills and Vanessa Redgrave etc etc.
    Glad to have found your blog

    ReplyDelete
  29. Such a wise quote from your older friend!
    Glad you found the Morocco blog with all the colors.
    Sadly we are now back in NY where it is winter still.
    I bet you have summer in Oz still.

    Such a good discussion of age and beauty on Pamela's blog The House of Edward( I think it is thehouseofedward.blogspot.com )
    Hayley Mills and Vanessa Redgrave etc etc.
    Glad to have found your blog

    ReplyDelete
  30. A very clever post. I'm not sure, but you could be right - some of the time at least. As you know, Lilly, I'm... er... a bit more mature than some, so I've tried to research this for you, but my attemps to interest 20-25 year old females in short term romantic adventures haven't had a great deal of success so far. However, I'll let you know if that situation changes at all.

    ReplyDelete
  31. While I do think there is a shift to revering substance and the wisdom of age, the West could still learn a lot from the East where old age really is revered.

    Just the other day I was watching a program on how they are now "growing" organs and tissue so we live longer. The prediction is we'll be able to live till we're 150! Hope we still have a planet to live on by then.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Well, then paint me 20. Lol.

    I do agree with you. I think we've learned that no matter the age, we can be young at heart. Yet, at the same time, have wisdom with experience.

    It's an interesting combination.

    ReplyDelete
  33. @ Aleta - I thought your were 20...

    ReplyDelete
  34. It's a both/an. There's both more obsession, particularly in the western media with youth, and it's more glorious to be middle-aged and older than ever before because we have options. I've turned a few heads recently to my surprise - as my I'm letting all my white and silver grow out and I'm voluptuously large. Part of it is because - happily married - I don't give a flying...any more and I make eye contact and talk to people w a self-assuredness that is alluring to come (not only the oddballs who I've always attracted). Truly this is a great time to be a woman if you're not living in an oppressive regime and if you armor up against the messages that try to say it's over for you, you're done. Check out the Advanced Style website for photos of the elderly who are fabulously stylish and look to be having great fun.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Hmmm Lils ... I've wondered the same thing about the obsession of age, but I'm thinking that it's primarily the media & elitists that are what 3%-5% of the entire population? Most of us are merely voyeurs of this fantasy ideology.

    In real life, yes, the news of a wealthier man marrying a younger trophy wife & leaving his ex-wife in the dust. But ... why the unraveling? Did his wife really love him in a passionate way? Or a cougar going for a younger guy ... Why? Because she's more vivacious than a typical 40 or 50 sumthin' and wants to enjoy life to the fullest? And if she divorced for a younger man, was it because her husband was an absolute bore & she felt stifled? Did her hubby give her good lovin?

    I sense the trend of age not mattering as much as the person these days. So, a well-groomed woman with a keen sense of self & pride can tackle a younger man & hold his interest. And because we are more into beauty - exercise & diet make us look younger. Benefits of that are not ALL bad outside of empty vanity - caring more about ones own looks that others & their feelings.

    BUT ... then, age happens. People do slow down, illness strikes, or we change. So, if deep compatability, moral beliefs, interests and simple respect for eachother doesn't exist; if the relationship was built on appearance, the relationship is doomed to fail. If there is true love, love will conquer the wrinkles & hemorroid creams.

    Am I staying on point here?

    Not entirely, oh well ...

    I think that our society in the states is going through major social change right now. Many are wondering about the American dream's survival. Wrinkles not so much. Not lately. I've been thinking more about preparing for retirement, than the way I look.

    I do believe appearance is important, as it shows a respect & care for self. And to look good IS to feel good. So, don't mess with me on a day I have no make-up on or look god-awful!

    Yes, I am beginning to feel wistful & missing my youthful days but feel joyous about my daughter's becoming beautiful young women - inside & out!

    Moderation in all things. Except when it comes to love, *THAT* should be all out.

    Did you know that I read couples who claim to still be in love after 30 years & crazy for eachother underwent a study and had brain scans done. And when their spouse walked into the room, their brain scans turned red! Just like a person taking cocaine.

    Love IS addictive! I knew it! I suppose it's difficult to decipher which man has the addictive quality that going to stick forever. Will he love me when I'm old? Does he love me for my heart?

    After 30 years, for these folks, the wrinkles don't matter, as much as their loved ones do. Isn't that the sweetest story ever?

    I would love for you to research this and write sumthin-sumthin more about it.

    As for me? I've gotta schedule my spa treatments ... ;)

    See how messed up us Americans are?

    ReplyDelete
  36. Oh Juls I will research that for you and write a post about it. And yes, you are as messed up as the rest of us. I know exactly what you mean!

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for your comments.