I have a company. I do stuff.
Sometimes creative, sometimes corporate.
I can't say more. After reading this you'll know why.
I was asked to do some market research for the Police.
I thought, why not? It's great they care about public perception.
Except, I didn't think it through, did I?
The complictions of doing this job only occurred to me in the middle of the night. In the middle of a nightmare.
Remember 'that incident' with the police? When my mouth and brain were out of sync?
Last night I watched the most blood curdling show on TV (no, not the Oscars, it was a show called Underbelly). It's all about crooked cops and sadistic criminals in Australia in the 70s and 80s. I didn't know that the humble shovel was such a multi-purpose weapon. Hits, chops, cuts, flattens, digs, buries .....
I dreamt that I strolled into the police station to do this job. All corporate and sophisticated. Until I caught sight of a Wanted Poster on the bulletin board. A poster with a heading that read Crazy Woman and with my face plastered all over it. I walked to the front desk trying to cover the offending face with my hair. NO, it couldn't be!!!! It was him!!!! It was the police officer I swore at, sitting there in all his navy blue and shiny glory. He was leaning back in his chair, with his feet on the desk, juggling bullets and chewing gum. He looked up. We locked eyes. A look of recognition slowly crept across his face like a gloomy black shadow. He knew exactly who I was! Was it because I was screaming four letter words, with my mouth wide open and my face contorted.... in all shades of red? I turned to run in circles in my ridiculous, impractical stilettos. He lept up out of his chair, yelled out after me, jumped the counter and chased me down the hall. A gun in one hand and...........a SHOVEL in the other..... I woke up just as the shovel....
Guilty people are always paranoid (remember that).
This job could be uncomfortable. It could ruin my professional credibility if I'm recognised. As the Crazy Woman.
I need to look different.
Maybe if I hold up my folder to my face it could distract them.
Maybe I should try different hair.
Maybe a full disguise. Do you think sunglasses are too much indoors? Seems to work for Mickey Rourke.....
The danger is, that it may make me look more criminal and less consultant.
I'm a walking contradiction....it's tough being me sometimes.
I'm just glad the people that pay me to be intelligent, impartial and professional don't read my blog.
Karma. Maybe. Guilty conscience. Definitely.
Thank God I have given up the evil white stuff.
Sugar, people. It's crazy making.
Now I have to give up police shows. Like Underbelly.
If you ever come across a shovel, don't take your eyes off it. I'm just saying, that's all.
And please, whatever you do, don't call me Crazy....