After hours of weathering the push and shove of the never-ending Christmas shopping queue I ended up at the Clarins makeup counter. Waiting, waiting, waiting for a consultant to wake up from their 'cat nap' and come and help me.
I'm always 'prepared' when I go to buy makeup. Makeup consultants often have about as much tact as a cat (because I trained as a makeup artist and I'm familiar with the breed). I usually take their uppity attitude with a grain of salt. Not today.
Today my apparently wobbly jowls were quivering in astonishment.
Yes, it was even worse than the time that one of these princesses looked me in the eyes and said, "Why, what beautiful eyes you have. They remind me of my cat's eyes. They're yellow." They are green, people!
See, makeup consultants and cats are so alike, what did I tell you? They both have claws, are forever preening themselves regardless of whose company they are in and they have NO TACT.
I was finally assisted by a five year old consultant. In pigtails. Department stores are apparently recruiting straight from kindergarten these days.
"Hi, I am looking for a face mask," I said.
"Mmmm", she said, as she examined me intently, "is it for yourself?"
"Yes", I said.
"Well, I think that you will be needing the firming mask then. Actually, now that I look a little more closely, I think that you really need the VERY FIRMING mask. Shall I wrap that for you?"
"Oh no sweetheart, not quite yet", I said with a strained smile, "I just want to clarify something first. Can you tell me how many degrees of firming this face mask actually comes in? "
"Well", she purrs, "normal, firm and very firm".
"So, you're telling me that I need the mask with the highest degree of firming properties, are you?"
"Yes, I guess so." she grinned.......strangely .....just like a Cheshire cat.
"So, if that's the case, does that mean when the benefits of this mask stop working, I'm going to have to shop for cosmetics in the Hardware store for the next 40 years? Let's see, spacfilla and putty to fill in the wrinkles, sand paper for exfoliating, cement for extra coverage...or maybe a primer and then a quick paint with either a matte or satin finish......is that where I'm headed?"
She looked at me. I looked at her. I swear I could see a thought bubble coming out of her childishly coiffed head ...batty old cow...
I wasn't about to debate the issue or hit her on the nose with a newspaper. After all, even though their nose is a bit sensitive, a cat’s sight is supposedly their keenest sense. Who was I to argue with what she 'saw'. Not today.
"Fine", I said, "wrap it. I haven't got time to debate the mask's degrees of separation or to workshop my wrinkle control strategic plan with you. It's Christmas and I'm busy. Oh, and I do hope Santa brings you something nice dear. Age appropriate, of course."
Can you tell that I too read Post Secret this morning?
For any readers out there who have five year old children masquerading as makeup consultants, GIVE THEM SOME TACT FOR CHRISTMAS!!!! And remind them that anyone over 35 is NOT OLD!!!! And anyone over 40 is NOT BEYOND ALL RE-FIRMING HOPE!!
I also now know my New Years resolutions. High-speed cyber shopping (hint - Strawberrynet.com for makeup shopping ladies) and my blog rating may be upped to 30+.
Anyway, now that I've got that out of my system I'm going to give one of you a present. And I don't even need to examine your wrinkles for this one. One lucky commenter is going to win a Mystery Gift, of a bit of this (Thai stuff) and a bit of that (Aussie stuff) and most likely a sample of Clarins' Very Firming Face Mask will be thrown in for good measure!! Oh yes, I hear you, not that YOU need it either......
The winner of the previous post's giveaway, chosen by Random.org is Commenter No. 16 which is Tasha from Tasha's Take. A Thai silk scarf is on its way to you very soon.
Sunday, 14 December 2008
Ho Bloody Ho
There was a certain little Department store makeup consultant I interacted with today who clearly had read Post Secret before she went to work. Truth be told, she was probably the one who sent this secret in....