Saturday, 31 May 2008

Hey Google, you sure know how to make

a girl feel a little uneasy about her blog.....

I have had Google Analytics for a while but given my blog is not really a serious attempt to rock anyone's world other than my own, I rarely look at the reports in any detail.

Until this morning that is.

Interesting. They are very interesting.......except.....for...one of them... which was r-e-a-l-l-y interesting.

I am truly shocked about what Google is telling me about my site.

It's compelling, it's common, its hardly unusual, its a theme but should I be worried?

Um, it's like this.
Some, OK, the majority of the key words people in Joe Public land are using to get to my blog are rather dubious disturbing different in nature. I am less shocked that there are people out there actually keying these words into Google and more shocked by the fact that they end up on my blog hoping to find what they are searching for. Even more concerning is that some of these people hang around for a while.....looking....for what exactly????

The picture these key words create about my blog (and ultimately me) is a bit confronting.......and hilarious at the same time. I just feel kind of sorry that Lilly's Life was unable to give some of these
desperate people the answers that they were obviously searching for such as:

sex tours, lilly's bits, women who punish, bad day lilly, lilly au 3some, Australian bad parents, growing lillys, exotic lillys, how much for a sex change, dominican republic prostitutes, lilly the call girl, cricket and sports, how to get a six pack, sex toys,
how to kill your mother, how to be more sexy, hiring a killer, killer snakes, dying relatives, picking up women,imran khan as a player,kinky fish, evil daughters, Banging Barbie
buying lillys, the dark side, naked blondes,guns and mothers, eating humans

Let me get it clear. Lilly is not into threesomes unless we are talking about a block of Cadburys and a good book (or perhaps a willing Richard Gere and Ceorge Clooney), nor do I sell flowers, eat flowers, smoke flowers, promote sports or know how to get a real six pack. I have never been to the Dominican Republic let alone worked there in any promiscuous capacity. Is it nice there? Yes, Lilly has 'bits' but you are never going to see them pasted on this blog. I also don't support mothers carrying guns - well until their daughters are at least old enough to date and then its perfectly warranted and acceptable - and I don't own a whip. Nor have I picked up a woman, been a call girl, killed my mother, given birth to an evil daughter (they just turn that way when they are teenagers), handled killer snakes or had the desire to eat a human. However, I will concede that I am into fish, albeit

kinky unusual ones. Just for the record.

If for some reason I do change my mind on any of the above (or Richard and George get desperate) I will make a public announcement on my blog (particularly if George and Richard change their minds).

I think I may need a course in Google-ese and at least I now know if I want a more popular site how to quickly get one....somehow, not on Lilly's Life folks!!

However, strangely enough, it has given me a few ideas....perfectly respectable ones you understand....stay tuned for future posts. Google Analytics is pretty helpful after all. How have you found it for your site?

25 comments:

  1. yes, well, these are mine at wundurful wurld:

    jessica alba no clothes, jessica simpson with no clothes on, roger clemen's buttocks, what spitzer paid $4300 an hour for, paris hilton bath video, wurld sex, roger federer no shirt, angelina jolie video, supermodel blowjob, chastity belt video, square spy plane, pig cake, abraham lincoln's horses name, diapers laugh panties dildo, 100 mph handjob.

    and now that all these words are on your blog, you'll be getting hits from people searching for them on google!

    my favorite here, i think, is 'pig cake'. mighty tasty, i'm sure...

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  2. Oh **** I have been outed that was me searching for Roger Federer sans shirt.... well I would have expected that you out of any blogger I know would have these key words...there is a reason after all!!! I expect a post from you on pig cake now - the mind boggles but I am sure you are up to the task! Yes, well I never thought about the fact that posting the keywords on here was going to compound the problem....ah well, they will get the message all at the one time...GO TO WUNDERFUL WURLD FOR ANYTHING YOU DESIRE....he he

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  3. Maybe when they don't find what they're looking for they'll click on a Google Ad as they leave. The best one somebody used at my site was "Dentists who wear dentures".

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  4. I found your blog in Link Referral and this post caught my attention. Really nice, funny post! I have google analytics in my blog but I never took a close look at my keywords, but after reading your post, I will. Thanks for sharing, I liked your blog and bookmarked it. I´ll visit to see what´s new. Mizé.

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  5. I might have to install analytics to get what you're getting. I think they're hilarious. I'll probably be getting the same, huh? On second thought, I'm not sure If I want to know. I have googled tasha's take several times to see if I can get to my site this way, and google brings up every other tasha's site but mine. I'm a nobody!!! I'm hurt! Sobs and more sobs.

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  6. @ lady skye fyre - mmmm maybe, they will. Except I think I am going to ditch the ads soon too. Thanks for visiting by the way. OMG dentists who wear dentures, how funny is that?

    @ mize - thanks for dropping by. Yes you have to look at your keywords a bit closer. They tell a story sometimes,,,err a better one than mine I hope.

    @ taschabud - oh you have to get Analytics its good because it tells you who has visited your site I dont think its perfectly accurate but its useful. I think its an option when you sign in to your google account. We love you and your site and your readers will only grow. Thanks for dropping by! Oh PS I really hooe you dont get what I am getting but then again you could get what Horatio is getting and something tells me he deserves to get those kind of searches dont you think?

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  7. Oh that made me laugh, what kind of blog are you operating here???? All I can say is there are a lot of unfulfilled folks out there in the world.

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  8. GA is wonderful fun Lilly .
    I have a post to draft for my LOL Googlers too -shocking but hysterical aren't they the cyber world.
    And worse we are part of it.

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  9. Hi Lilly, I haven't tried Google analytics yet. But I'm going too ....cant wait to find out what it makes of my blog.

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  10. now that i think of it, i did write a post a while back called "Renegade brides crash wedding, pig out on cake." So that's where the 'pig cake' came from...

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  11. @ baby-amore - he he cannot wait to see what yours says, yes we are part of it all. I just love how the internet frees people of their inhibitions and shows us really what is on peoples minds - hardly a surprise but I sure cant help them!

    @ Jon - you must get GA because it is helpful particularly for your site and what you are doing. It has loads of good information, along with the interesting searches. People may be looking for one bizarre thing and end up liking what your blog is focused on, particularly if your story is about naked blondes obviously. You have to laugh. Thanks for dropping by.

    @ Horatio salt - see I told you your key words match your site perfectly. That means your site should be extremely popular. You just have to make any reference to the 'untrue' nature of it in small print. But as we know your posts are reality for many and thats why we laugh hysterically. So feel free to use some of my key words in your post titles and they will come in droves.

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  12. I think I have to start a blog because just looking at what people are searching for tells a whole story on its own. Very funny (or warped) which ever way you think, I guess.

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  13. Stephan - thans for reading,,finally. Yes funny and warped at the same time. Get that blog going, it is fun although addictive.

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  14. Lilly, I just checked out that Wundurful Wurld site and never laughed so much in all my life. Thanks for the heads up.

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  15. Lilly - great post! Those are some strange keywords, for sure. It made me curious as to what keywords are being used to find my site so I went to my Google analytics and found that I only had 6 keywords. 5 of them were varying forms of "matt-speak" while the last one had something to do with Canada (go figure). I guess it has to do with what words are in your title, because I can see where a lot of people might look up something with lilly in the title (and for some pretty strange reasons, as it turns out) but who would want to look for something with matt in the title? I guess that's a good thing in a way, but then it is fun to see what kind of strange things people are looking for on the internet. Strange times, indeed.

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  16. @ stephan: glad you enjoyed your visit to wundurful wurld. you're always welcome...horatio salt

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  17. @ Stephan - just be sure you are not eating or drinking if you go to Wundurful Wurld - I will personally not be held responsible if you choke from laughter!

    @ Matt - strangely given you write about politics you would think it would trun up all sotts of sordid keywords but there you go. My life is even stranger than politics! I think people out in googleland are bored it seems - thanks for dropping by.

    @ Horatio - Stephan is not easily amused either let me tell you....

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  18. just got another hit google hit today that i must share with you:

    naked pleasures in des moines iowa

    my bus arrives in 45 minutes. i'm heading to the midwest. (not packing any bags. apparently i won't be needing clothes...)

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  19. Horatio salt - now that is funny, I had two search words today - evil daughters (again) and lilly's middle name?? I'll be rushing to your site to see a post and pics of your trip to des moines iowa. If its as exciting as its sounds (and anything with the word pleasure in it always has 'hope' attached as you marketing gurus know), please share as I was looking for a different kind of vacation this year!

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  20. well, um, i already wrote a post about the pleasures of des moines, iowa. it's called: "Sex researchers locate G Spot: It's in Iowa"...geez, no wonder all these google phrases are hitting me!

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  21. Horatio salt - Google hits the G spot every time when it comes to your site I suggest and now I must go and read that post - seems it all happen in Iowa - whats with Iowa?

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  22. i drove through iowa last summer and visited the farm where they filmed field of dreams. i walked into the tall corn and never wanted to come out...

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  23. Egad! I haven't checked out my Google Analytics in so long. Now you got me curious. I'll let you know what I find out about myself.

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  24. Troublex2 - you have to check Analytics out because its hilarious if nothing else. I kind of like the reports(other than search words, obviously) - as to how accurate they are who can tell. I get few visitors anyway in the scheme of things. Let me know what yours says because I am starting to think I am in the wrong business here - I may just change this site to something more appropriate like Lilly's Bits - ha ha.

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Thanks for your comments.