Thursday 13 March 2008

Yet another Message from Your Mother

Well, I didn't expect to be writing to you again so soon but I could tell you were a bit upset about my last letter. You now seem to be consumed with the fact that Cameron, Angelina, Jennifer and your idol Catherine Zeta Jones don't appear to have any wrinkles even though they are many years older than you.

I just knew I should write to you straight away to tell you what I know. I am sorry I missed telling you about the whole Hollywood mystery as you were growing up. What with Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy I got a little preoccupied. You see, Hollywood is rather like the Bermuda Triangle. When you enter its twilight zone your wrinkles just disappear into thin air along with your personality, conscience, excess pounds and those pesky embarrassing family members that hang around the fringe.

It is a puzzle and an unsolved one at that. It's been the subject of many conspiracy theories over the years. The word on the streets is that there is something in the air that makes people look like they are permanently brushed. There is a name for it and it's called BS for short. I just can't remember what the letters stand for at the moment. I'm sure it will come to me.

There have also been many scientific studies undertaken on this 'Hollywood' phenomenon. All charged with the same brief; to try and determine once and for all why celebrities have perfect, line free faces and age 85% more slowly than the general population. The jury is still out. It's just not that cut and dried apparently and the truth is like finding a needle in a haystack it seems. However, there is one startling thing that we do know. Apparently, once these celebrities step outside of the twilight zone and move elsewhere in the world, they begin to resemble the rest of us (I know, I am a makeup artist after all).
And just to prove my point, one of the world's most famous, and dare I say bravest of the paparazzi armed forces,, has frequently captured and exposed Hollywood stars caught wandering outside of their natural habitat. The Pap Supremo is currently in hiding in the caves of Alferansorium and, when you see his handiwork, you will understand why. Take a look, because reality ain't that pretty, after all.

See, just like regular folk. While I can appreciate it may shock you, I really hope that this clarifies things and reassures you somewhat. Perhaps instead of all this worrying about wrinkles, you should work hard, save your money and take a trip to Hollywood. Just so you too can see how this magic works.....

PS Ummmmm... one more thing. I know that every guy you meet you can't help but compare to Johnny Depp. I also know that up until now no one has quite measured up. I know it's a disappointment to really see him in his full glory, but I did tell you he is old enough to be your father. And who knows, now you know the tricks of the trade, it may improve not only your self esteem but your love life as well. Till next time.


  1. ha ha...well written....had fun reading it...

  2. Hey - I just happened your site from a link on BlogCatalog. I am not always impressed by the content out there in Blogville, but this post is awesome. At first, I was just scrolling down the page and couldn't figure out what the heck was going on with all these crazy pictures, but I haven't laughed so hard all day! Funny stuff. I'll make sure to add you to my BlogCatalog friends.

  3. Hi there Kate

    Thanks for dropping by. Yes my blog is kind of all over the shop which says a lot about the state of my mind. Glad you had a laugh. Gosh we all need it with this crazy world we are all living in. We need to get back to basics and a sense of reality I think. Hope to see you back again and I will come visit you on BlogCatalog.


Thanks for your comments.