Wednesday 20 February 2008

Seven Deadly Sins - what your mother should have said

but for some reason has left it up to me to tell you.

Ok, I am officially on the wrong side of the journey to death's door now. Therefore, I am entitled to share my wisdom even if I refuse to share my makeup. I have two daughters (well I adopted one along the way, unofficially, and without the consent of her mother .... nonetheless). I am always giving my two cents worth to them so I thought I should spread the love a bit further.
What better place to start then the Seven Deadly Sins. This is important because like it or not, a lot of your life is going to be spent trying hard not to commit them, getting yourself out of the mess after you have or paying the price when someone else breaks them at your expense.

Now listen up kids, its serious.

1. LUST - to have an intense or obsessive desire, especially one that is sexual. Lust is really only wrong when your staring in the face of rejection. You know, you have to know what's realistic or what's not, so lusting after Brad Pitt or, in my case George Clooney, is probably wasted effort on both our parts. Keep your lust targets 'realistic'. Where lust is absolutely ok is when you are sure you are going to have some success. So, in my case, its the 80 year old, bald, blind guy sitting on his own with 12 empty schooner glasses in front of him in the pub!!! You truly cannot judge a book by its cover. If you don't know how realistic you are ask your mother, she will tell you the truth. PS. In one of my daughter's cases, aim higher, much higher. The other one has it in the bag..

2. ANGER - a strong emotion; a feeling that is oriented toward some real or supposed grievance. This is one I know a lot about. It's really only wrong when you have the papparazzi flashing cameras in your face, when you are in a packed restaurant, or in fact any public place where there will be witnesses (or cameras). It's also wrong to get angry when your mother gives you good advice and for some unknown reason you don't want her meddling in your life. It is definitely right when directed at pushy salespeople, ladders in your tights, politicians, computers or where fighting injustice and immoral behaviour. Just don't hit anyone.

3.GLUTTONY - Excess in eating or drinking. It is always wrong when you eat or drink to excess in someone else's house, when you are eating in a restaurant, when meeting your prospective in laws for the first time, or when at social functions. There are exceptions though. It's ok to work your way through 10 tubs of ice cream and 10 bottles of tequila (in one sitting) when you've just broken up with the love of your life. Just don't let anyone else see you in that state, always lock the door behind you and have the ambulance number on speed dial just in case. It's also ok when you are doing chocolate and cocktails to excess too -some things God intended us to overdo ....again and again..........and again.

4. GREED - An excessive desire to acquire or possess more than what one needs or deserves, especially with respect to material wealth. Greed is never right unless your getting something for free (no, that does not include that stuff that fell off the back of a truck)or you are particularly ugly and need loads of makeup or surgery. Never harm anyone else in your endeavours to get stuff ever. Don't take what is not yours and that includes someone else's money, boyfriend or your mother's makeup. Greed is insidious and it's what causes most ills in the world. You just have to look at corporations and politics to see this (and let's not forget that crazy f****ng sociopath ex of mine - oops I have turned angry...apologies..wrong sin). Don't buy into it - resist. It ruins lives.

5. SLOTH - An aversion to work, laziness, untidiness
This is clearly wrong when you are broke, the house is on fire, you have maxed out your four credit cards or your trying to impress someone. It's definitely ok if you are heading for the muu muu years, you snagged a billionaire, have hired help or you're on vacation and no-one knows who the hell you are anyway.

6. ENVY - a feeling of grudging admiration and desire to have something that is possessed by another. It's really wrong if the object of envy is unattainable (ok Angelina you are officially off the hook, we don't hate you any more). It's ok if it's small enough to pinch (joking..).

7. PRIDE - finishing on a high note - this means in this context arrogant or disdainful conduct or haughtiness. Of course a healthy self respect is a virtue but this is when it becomes a little too narcissistic. They do say pride comes before a fall(listening Adnan - Britney's supposed papparazzi boyfriend?). Its wrong to be arrogant after committing a killing spree, winning a war, robbing a bank, or achieving anything which results in another person's suffering. It's definitely ok when your kid scores the winning goal, you achieve great things from adversity, find a cure for cancer, bake the perfect sponge or you see justice done.

That's it kids. But if you would indulge me for a minute, there is one more deadly sin that doesn't get discussed often enough.