Thursday 21 February 2008

I just did an IQ Test and the results were

just a little alarming...... but I guess it's hardly unexpected.

I was always told that there are some things you just don't talk about in public - namely details about your sex life, what diseases you have, your plastic surgery procedures, your alcohol or drug problems, your bank account balance, how much you earn or your IQ (unless you are a celebrity that is and then none of the above counts because most of us live vicariously through them and we have a right to know).

If I didn't talk about these things there wouldn't be much to say really. For instance, I just heard on the TV that there is a view that people are generally dumbing down. I blame recent beauty pageants, whose contestants obviously scored from the high end of the beauty gene pool but the low end of the intelligence pool, for this trend. And, let's not forget ex Idol, Kelly Pickler, who was not at all embarassed to say on national TV, that she thought Europe was a country.

It got me wondering about the state of my own pink matter (no, I don't do grey anything under any circumstances). So I checked with my best friend Google to find a suitable free online IQ test to assess my own slide into Dumbsville. (Warning - Tickle is a great site but please treat the quizzes with a degree of lightheartedness).
After I completed the test it told me my IQ score was 124. Sounded promising. It then went on to explain in a detailed report what this number meant. It seems that:

In terms of my mathematical results, I scored better than 70-80% of people who had previously taken the test. My numeracy skills are better than the average bear supposedly. Except, why is it then that I still count with my fingers and toes, can't quite read what those numbers on the scales say and definitely do not know what they mean, can't balance a chequebook and I have a huge credit card debt? Is it any wonder that the global economy is rooted?

In regards to visual-spatial intelligence (an ability to think in pictures) I scored higher than 90-100% of people taking the test. Yes, I think in pictures alright and those pictures usually entail a gun, my ex and some unfortunate accident which involves a funeral. I alternate those images with ones of a mansion, money, Manolo Blahniks, servants, George and Italy. I mean Oprah told us that visualising and asking for what we want is a good thing (a la The Secret). Apparently, if you focus on something with a lot of passion, it happens. And I am ready and waiting...with my black funeral outfit and my black cocktail dress at the ready.

On the linguistic side of things my score was 90 -100% better than others who have taken the test. Well that would be because I never shut mouth that is. And that's the least number of words I have ever uttered on any subject.

At this point I thought I was definitely going to be able to join Sharon Stone in MENSA, except....I faltered at the last hurdle. The final results put a most definite kibosh on my illusions of braindeur.

You see, on the questions which tested logic, I scored lower than 70-80% of people who took the test.
I know this to be true. When I 'used' to buy IKEA furniture, I spent days and days trying to put together complex pieces of furniture, such as lampshades. In fact, I was putting together a desk in my study one afternoon when a bushfire almost completely enveloped the house and burnt it to the gound. I was concentrating so hard on the instructions that I didn't notice the black sky and the menacing flames outside the window. It was a message from God. 'Put down the screw driver and set of instructions and step away from IKEA forever. Oh, and running for your life now may be a very wise thing'. I did and I have never looked back. Except now, it seems, my lack of DIY training is contributing to my dumbing down.

In summary the IQ test revealed that I talk a lot, am ok with numbers, see things in pictures but have no bloody common sense to apply any of it into something useful. This explains so much. Thats why I have a large debt, walk around with soft focus view of the world which enabled a sociopath to become my best friend and talk round and round in circles with no actual conclusion to anything.

What's more interesting is that my ideal careers are supposedly a publicist, broadcaster, politician or attorney. Not so surprising when you think about it. What's the common theme here - they are all full of bullshit.

Say no more, I mean it, shut it...... I get the picture. I know the numbers count but I also know I do not have to bloody understand it all. I am happy to never see IKEA again and could care less if it means I lose a few measly IQ points...besides, I already know that Europe is the capital of Equador..

Why don't you take the test and have a laugh. At your own risk of course.


  1. I once got hooked on IQ tests. Usually scored around 130-135. No clue what that meant. Maybe it means I can tell the difference between a funny cartoon and a bad one?

  2. "I was concentrating so hard on the instructions that I didn't notice the black sky and the menacing flames outside the window."

    Sounds like me! Years ago, I was so busy writing something now long forgotten that I didn't notice that the sky had gone pitch black at midday. Like an idiot, I pressed my nose against the glass and couldn't see a thing. I managed to let my dogs inside just before the tornado roared past, tearing tress out of the ground and overturning a massive farm trailer just outside my door. The twister missed our stone house by 50 yards...

  3. @ Commentator - whoops, never knew this comment was here - apologies. 130 IQ points means you should be in the Whitehouse saving the world by now. Get to it, pronto!

    @ Horatio Salt - you make me laugh - it just shows you really love the work you do. As for me I hate defeat of any kind and that desk was not going to get the better of me. It did and I was saved by a fire. Err, good thing you noticed the tornado making its move though. It does kind of shake you out of your complacency somewhat. I guess a natural disaster is the last thing on your mind. Forever you will be alert to what is going on just outside your window. Always love your comments!

  4. actually, you're giving me too much credit for being observant. i did not notice the tornado! a police car pulled into the farm driveway an hour later to see if i was all right. only then did i go outside and see the damage and find out from the police that i had been sideswiped by a tornado. i had just thought it was 'a bit windy'. (!) it looked like a 100 yard wide bowling ball had rolled through the woods nearby, 150 foot trees completely flattened.

  5. Horatio - OMG, in other words, you take your job too seriously. You thought it was windy...Ouch - all those beautiful trees! Glad it didn't flatten you or your house!


Thanks for your comments.